Ok I wanted to share something that happened. My BPD ex and myself have been on good terms since early March after she had split me black for 6 weeks. We had been on/off since summer 2011 (off officially in her mind... . but I am her emotional bf). Her birthday was last Friday and she had invited me to her party since last month. She is from a very conservative South Asian Muslim background living in NYC. Over the last few months she has completely changed into a hispanic girl. I want to make it clear, I do not want to make it sound racist. Her assistants are hispanic girls and now she dresses like them, talks like them, behaves like them, colors her hair the way they have colored theirs. Pretty much she is mirroring them. One criteria of BPD is to behave differently than what most do in your own culture. So going from fully covered clothes to wearing revealing clothes is a big scandal in her culture. Anyway, last Tuesday she told me not to come to her party because "it is my bday, I will be dancing with every guy in the club, and you will get hurt seeing that." Then last wednesday she changed her mind. We spent the entire day together last Friday on her birthday. Then she tells me "come late to the party, after dinner... . after a couple of HS school friends have left. i don't want them to ask questions about you." Saturday late afternoon tells me "if you come you will only reach my waist because I am wearing 7 inch heels and u r so short", "u can come if you want but i don't want you to feel ignored". At that point I decided not to go (yeah... . finally got some self-respect!
) at 1am she calls me, I said I am sleeping. at 1:30am texts me, "missed you baby. wish i was with you. night has been a complete mess." I choose to ignore and in morning sent a cold reply "i am sure you had fun". she replied back "it was ok, just kept thinking of you." i didn't talk to her rest of the day and she was acting very sweet in her texts and emails. Monday morning same thing... . very sweet... . I told you no so that you won't feel ignored in party, but now you are angry because you felt ignored when I told you no.
Her party was organized by her two assistants, and she invited two more acquaintances from high school (12 yrs back). she really has no friends except me and one more girl. she even wanted to tell her high school friends not to come because they have never seen her drinking and she wanted to ask them to leave before going to the club. not sure what happened. haven't talked to her about her night.
so she had colored her hair brown and done some other stuff to it. she had fake eye lashes. now she has destroyed her own eye lashes trying to pull out the fake ones. her eye lashes are gone, her eye lids are swollen, and she can't see.
I am just wondering, what happened to this girl. She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen, one with pure natural beauty. Her new hair looks ugly, her lashes looked so fake (till she confirmed them). I feel this is HPD being expressed along with BPD. Not too long back she used to be covered head to toe like conservative Muslim women. At the beach with me on Friday she went in a bikini (scandalous for her family who don't even go out in jeans), took off her top straps while getting tanned (normal outside her culture), and her NPD side told me... . wow, I look good. let others stare at this view. and while getting up she allowed her top to fall down just for a second for her boobs to fall out. she told me she did that on purpose.
for last few months all she has been talking about is sex. yet because of her past sexual abuse, it is very complicated for her. she doesn't like other men touching her. she doesn't even like her own family members touching her. yet her assistants are pushing her into clubs and into men who are feeling her up. she wants to go dancing but not get felt up. yet someone she is intrigued by dancing with men. i am just saying what she tells me. although I do know she is all words and no actions. she tells she will do this and that but never does.
but I was sadly laughing at the karma of her being in pain right now after her behavior over the last week. she could have had a simple birthday party where she would have invited the people who mattered to her. but she had such a party that the only 3-4 people who were there don't really mean much to her. she could go wild with them, but that's it. she treated me like crap to have "fun". became so fake with her provocative dress, hair, lashes, heels... . and now complaining about having a bad party and in pain and can't see.
i do not want karma to harm her. I am in pain seeing her in pain. but just sadly laughing in my head that the ridiculous bday her coworkers had planned for so long, that went against everything she was as a person and her friends... . in the end ended up hurting her. she is undiagnosed. she knows there is something wrong. she just blames it on "everything i have suffered in my life."
i just want to tell her... . look what you have become. you are 29 and behaving like 19.
