Introduction to my world at the moment

[zana]

Thanks for your welcome ScarletOlive and Skip

I found this forum through researching the books written by Randi Kruger.

It was suggested that I read them. My mother has a personality disorder called Schizotypal.  I found it difficult to find serious information about how manage situations with her and help myself come to terms with the impact her illness and behaviour, past and present is having and has had on my life.

Since buying a home with her about a year ago(We did not know her diagnosis then)we have had to contend with tantrums,baiting, arguments,smear campaigns, being reported to the police, suicide threats including having her cats put down, divide and conquer schemes, plus much more.

I just need help to figure it all out and get myself back, but at the same time help her. She is delusional and hears voices on an almost continuous basis and I find it difficult to discern when this becomes psychosis ,probably because I have been exposed to the illness since childhood (recent huge lightbulb moment)

So what now?

[Grey Kitty]

  zana,

What you describe sounds very difficult... . and sounds similar to things that many of us here are dealing with. Just finding someplace where people are dealing with similar issues can be a huge help.

I'm not familiar with Schizotypal personality disorder, although I did read that it can coexist with BPD. This video is a quick and good introduction:

Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Can you tell us a bit more about your situation? Who else is in the house with you and your mother?

Are there other family members involved who do not live with you?

Do you have friends who can support you?

Do you get out of the house for work or other activities?

Hang in there... . and do keep sharing here, it really helps!

 GK

[babyducks]

Zana,

I am really sorry to hear what you are living with.  That must be very difficult, and very draining. 

Grey Kitty posted a good link, however after I read your story I wanted to share this link with you.  It helped me a lot. 

Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

Keep posting, and keep reading.   Knowing more about the disorder help me find inner peace and compassion.

babyducks

[Suzn]

Hello zana   

I'm sorry things have been so difficult with your mother. I'm glad you found us.    Having been raised by someone with a personality disorder can be painful for a child.

Is your mother in therapy? Is she on meds to help with her symptoms? How about you, how are you coping? Your healthy is equally important. Have you considered a therapist of your own with what you've been up against?

[zana]

Thanks so much for all your responses

Mum is in her seventies now. She has been in the mental health system since her mid twenties.In the 1960's/70's she had shock treatment and was in and out hospital. From my perspective this all started when I was about seven after Mum took my brother and I back to her parent's home after my parent's breakup.I remember hearing the words "nervous breakdown" and going to hospitals to see my Mum with my Nana . At home she spent most of her time in her bedroom and wore sunglasses all the time.It was almost like a treat for her to come into the kitchen to have a cup of tea or a meal with Nana and I. We were three by then.My father took my brother and my grandfather had died.But as a young child before all that I  remember a lot of 'feelings " I had like being very sad, thoughtful,alone and this may sound strange, but I had this deep sense of being aware that I was alive.Does anyone understand what I mean?

Also years of frightening dreams about flying and houses.

So I  left home asap via a marriage and soon after my first child.

Mum's problems continued, suicide attempts ,failed relationships etc.

Lots of stuff that I can share later.But fast forwarding to now.Yes Mum is on medication when she feels like taking it!She likes to be in control of her treatment so picks and chooses what she reveals to her key workers(as they are called here)about her symptoms, like voices, delusions etc. Although I am pretty sure they know she does this.

I think what has really stunned me is the realization that a lot of the things I have believed,(been told by my mother) life stories, things that you accept as"this is what happened" have been untrue,exaggerations and even delusions.Even more amazingly how she has manipulated me  to side with her, feel sorry for her,pay for things,ruined the relationship I could have had with my father,believed what she has said other's think of me.Not only me but virtually everyone she has ever known.I am seeing up close how she has operated her whole life, it is scary!

It is as though I am beginning to see through a dark mirror that is getting clearer all the time.

My husband and I live with Mum. Our children are grown and gone, but understand what is going on. My sister,who was born when I was 22,has first hand experience of life full blown with Mum. Then there is my Mum's sister, I have tactfully tried to talk to her about it  and how it is impacting our life, sent her stuff to read, she doesn't get it. I actually get why she doesn't get it!