REAL hard nightmare part 2

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well I have been posting for a while now.  Quick rundown of my story, left uk and married a aussie, lived in australia for 12 years.  Had a son and stayed in a very dysfunctial marriege for his sake.  I was treated like crap, I was my sons primary carer whilst she went out and earned big money.  I had a pretty decent job and worked around my son.  She got worse with age and in the end I couldnt take it anymore and issued her a warning to stop the crazy behaviour.  She then got divorce papers and divorced me.

Examples of her behaviour.

Throughout 12 years of marriege accused all the time of affairs, constantly asked to explain this and explain that when I never even looked at a woman.  Crossed phone line, meant affair, towel falling into our garden, meant affair.  Any body I made friends with was sleeping with me including men, so couldnt even have friends.

Controlled all the finances.  She earned in the excess of $200-000 a year, I earned about $50-000, yet she controlled the atm cards, and gave me what amounted to a very small allowence, bearing in mind I paid for my son to go to private school so was left with breadcrumbs.

Explode with anger at me for nothing then I was expected to say sorry for trying to defend myself.  In the end I found a simple solution, I wore earphones.

Was a compulsive Hoarder, everything from coat hangers to piles and piles of clothes.  House was a tip.  I had to walk around with a dustpan and brush cleaning 24-7

Anyway 12 years of this took its toll and I left and went back to the UK.  Im not the type who would  ditch his child but when hes being abusive towards me like his mum I just thought what am I doing.  I love my son and it breaks my heart I havent seen him in a year but he had started to become a little her.  She had a daughter from a previous marriege who has an explosive temper.  Even the daughter has disowned the mother.

my ex has tried various ways of luring me back.  The latest is shes very ill and time is running out.  Shes saying she needs a blood transfusion or she will die.  I am being ordered to return back to Australia from the uk.  I am really stressed as the weak part of me that tolerated her crap is thinking of going whuch is insane.  I have a great girlfriend, a job but the way shes going on, youd think shes going to be dead by the end of the week.

[keith99]

Well I have been posting for a while now.  Quick rundown of my story, left uk and married a aussie, lived in australia for 12 years.  Had a son and stayed in a very dysfunctial marriege for his sake.  I was treated like crap, I was my sons primary carer whilst she went out and earned big money.  I had a pretty decent job and worked around my son.  She got worse with age and in the end I couldnt take it anymore and issued her a warning to stop the crazy behaviour.  She then got divorce papers and divorced me.

Examples of her behaviour.

Throughout 12 years of marriege accused all the time of affairs, constantly asked to explain this and explain that when I never even looked at a woman.  Crossed phone line, meant affair, towel falling into our garden, meant affair.  Any body I made friends with was sleeping with me including men, so couldnt even have friends.

Controlled all the finances.  She earned in the excess of $200-000 a year, I earned about $50-000, yet she controlled the atm cards, and gave me what amounted to a very small allowence, bearing in mind I paid for my son to go to private school so was left with breadcrumbs.

Explode with anger at me for nothing then I was expected to say sorry for trying to defend myself.  In the end I found a simple solution, I wore earphones.

Was a compulsive Hoarder, everything from coat hangers to piles and piles of clothes.  House was a tip.  I had to walk around with a dustpan and brush cleaning 24-7

Anyway 12 years of this took its toll and I left and went back to the UK.  Im not the type who would  ditch his child but when hes being abusive towards me like his mum I just thought what am I doing.  I love my son and it breaks my heart I havent seen him in a year but he had started to become a little her.  She had a daughter from a previous marriege who has an explosive temper.  Even the daughter has disowned the mother.

my ex has tried various ways of luring me back.  The latest is shes very ill and time is running out.  Shes saying she needs a blood transfusion or she will die.  I am being ordered to return back to Australia from the uk.  I am really stressed as the weak part of me that tolerated her crap is thinking of going whuch is insane.  I have a great girlfriend, a job but the way shes going on, youd think shes going to be dead by the end of the week.

[papawapa]

sorry that she has you feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't imagine what it is like to be so far from your son. If her condition was as serious as she wants you to believe she would already be hospitalized. She is trying to manipulate you. At this point you may want to consider going no contact. As hard as it is, it is best for your own well being to ignore her completely. Remember that one day your son will seek you out and you will be reunited with him.   

[keith99]

its very hard living with the guilt of leaving him behind with her. Her ex husband took the daughter of her when she was ten.  By then her daughter had become out of control and still has strong traits of her mother, namely the explosive temper.  I fought so hard to give my son a stable home but in the end it was a hopeless.  My ex's behaviour got worse the older she got.  She bullied and crushed me so much I think she got the shock of her life when I left.

What worries me is that she seems to need a person in the home to berate and bully, now I am not there, Im scared my son is bearing the brunt of her anger.  Im considering moving back to Australia but thats going to be expensive and its going to be a problem getting my girlfriend a visa.  I think if I did that, my ex would just hand my son over to me as she doesnt really like looking after kids.

[danley]

Sounds like a very controlling individual. I don't know your whole story, but from what I read above, it sounds very stressful.  I'm sure she's not happy that you've moved on in life and have started a new relationship.  Sounds like she's using the guilt trip factor with the blood transfusion and illness to reel you back in somehow. Having your son back seems like it would be best for him as she doesn't appear to be fit to care for him. But I wonder if she would really hand him over like you say? I would hope she would if she truly had your sons best interest at heart.

[keith99]

She was very controlling, I couldnt even go to Toys R US with my son.  She has tried everything to get me back.  She even bought me a ticket to go back and kept going on and on but I didnt go.  I then thought of seeing my son for two weeks bought a return ticket but couldnt go, I was scared I'd be sucked back in.  She just wont let up.

Stupid thing is there is a part of me that wants to go back, dont know if I have stockholm syndrome.  I would be on the next flight out there if I thought my son would suffer but shes so good at crying wolf and getting to people.  She even says shes forgiven me for my present girlfriend saying I had a affair with her which is crap.  I waited untll I was divorced.  Shes saying in her eyes I cheated which is crap.