see shrink about coparenting?

[momtara]

Hubby and I are separated.  Our coparenting has been difficult (mainly cause of him, of course)... . I suggested that we both see a therapist to talk about how we can coparent better.  To make it easier, I suggested we talk about it in front of HIS therapist.  But I'm wondering if there could be a legal drawback to this since it is indeed his therapist - like if the therapist could say I'm a bad mom someday and testify for him.  I doubt that would happen, especially based on one session.  The shrink seems like a fine guy and good doctor.  Just trying to see if anyone has considered seeing a therapist during or after a divorce with your BPDstbx, and if there are any downsides.  

[livednlearned]

If I remember correctly, you are in the middle of settling custody?

If so, tread carefully. During mediation,  N/BPDxh's L suggested a coparenting therapist. I was against it, but my L said it would make me look difficult if I didn't go.

I went to the first session by myself, and was asked to sign a form waiving confidentiality. Meaning, the T could testify for or against me. I did some research, and coparenting therapy was definitely not recommended for women in abusive relationships. I was afraid to sit in the same room with him, and did not feel that the T had good answers for how she was going to work with us, given the level of fear I had. For example, there was only one couch, so I would have had to sit next to N/BPDx.

Your case may be very different, but I do think you're taking a big legal risk to see a T who can testify.

[momtara]

we actually got an agreement, just settling other things now.  but that is very good advice.  thanks!

[bpdex]

In my situation, a therapist was appointed after the divorce, but during a later custody evaluation.  It worked greatly in my favor, given that xBPDw showed her true colors in therapy over a 6-9 month period.  So I was never worried about what the T might or might not say in a court situation.

[momtara]

Who spurred the court to have a therapist involved?  Did your ex file a motion or something?

[bpdex]

I filed to get custody of my son, which at first, went to mediation to determine if we might agree on a new custody arrangement.  When it was clear to the mediator that we weren't agreeing on any parenting decisions, he ordered us to go to a T.