Hey cal,
I think i understood your post
pwBPD live a life of lies. Not always to other people (often though) but with themselves. It is where mirroring comes in. They are not comfortable (often disgusted) with who they see themselves as. I wouldn't call it unlikely at all that your stbex has her therapist fooled; it is how these people survive. They paint a rosy picture because the real one is stained to the point of being unrecognizable. I sort of got the impression from your post that you are questioning yourself again "am I the crazy one"? Is your stbex's therapist correct and you are just seeing things... .
Well, I do not know your story. But the fact that you are on this board, a board that exists because other people from all over the world have had experiences similar to yours, and the fact that there exists a medical classification of the behaviors that you have been experiencing from your stbex means that YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. It seems unthinkable that your stbex would sidestep her own issues. Doesn't she want to get better and make the relationship work? It is in this train of thought that you begin to see just how deeply rooted BPD is. It IS NOT like getting a rash, seeing that you have a rash, and then going to get treated so the rash goes away. It is AWFULLY hard to admit you have a problem and work on fixing it when the "problem" is your normal. It is one reason i stayed with my own BPDex for so long; she was diagnosed, she was doing DBT, and she wanted to get better. It is harder to walk away from someone who is actively TRYING to get better. The therapy and her own efforts did not prevent her from cheating on me and lying to me the entire time we dated however. THAT is how deep rooted this mental illness is. It is hard to comprehend sometimes. It still is for me.
Hope some of this helped
