Minor Setback

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So this weekend, I sent through the money for the children. Saturday came and went, Sunday came and went, yesterday came and went and I got no automated confirmation e-mail that the money had been picked up on the other end.

It did start my mind racing and I was tempted to e-mail my exBPDw today to make sure everything was OK in terms of collecting the money, but thought better of it and said nothing. Today, I got an e-mail from my exgf (mother of my eldest and the one exBPDw befriended on facebook) to say she was concerned with what was going to happen with my exBPDw's children (my SD and daughter).

I asked her why she was concerned and apparently my exBPDw has had a major breakdown and is currently in hospital but she didn't know any of the details. I know it's no longer my issue but I can't help thinking that her e-mail on Friday was a plea for me to reach out and respond to her. I know it's not right but I'm starting to feel pangs of guilt for not reaching out.

Why?

Because it brought back a memory of something she once told me, her ex from several years ago. They had a big fight and she was ignoring him despite him reaching out to contact her. She ignored his phone calls and he overdosed only to be found dead the following morning. I do know part of the story is true because he was a movie star and his death was public knowledge. What I couldn't verify is whether or not he did actually try and contact her while he was dying, like she said, or whether it was a projection of what she would do if I ever ignored her. I did ask my exgf how she knew and it was through comments posted on my ex's Facebook from other people.

I can't stop thinking about the similarities but trying to rationalise my thinking. She had a breakdown 6 months prior to me meeting her but refused to stay in hospital more than a day, if she has been there for several days then it must be serious. I also keep reminding myself that she is in a better place, somewhere she might start to actually get some help, providing she drops the ego long enough to work through it. There is also nothing I can do for her but my concern is for the children. However, I also know that I won't be able to get any contact and can guarantee that her mother will blame me for where she is, despite her history of this in every relationship. Why? Because her mother has blamed everybody else too.

I'm tempted to reach out but I know it will do more harm than good, part of me wonders if she has done this to get the attention because I was still NC and part of me is wonders if it's because she removed the floor from under her and has struggled to cope. I don't hold any blame towards my exgf for saying anything because her concern was for the children too, so I think she did the right thing in saying something. Either way though, it does have me worried and concerned and I'm trying to balance between holding back or rushing in.

[Murbay]

So this weekend, I sent through the money for the children. Saturday came and went, Sunday came and went, yesterday came and went and I got no automated confirmation e-mail that the money had been picked up on the other end.

It did start my mind racing and I was tempted to e-mail my exBPDw today to make sure everything was OK in terms of collecting the money, but thought better of it and said nothing. Today, I got an e-mail from my exgf (mother of my eldest and the one exBPDw befriended on facebook) to say she was concerned with what was going to happen with my exBPDw's children (my SD and daughter).

I asked her why she was concerned and apparently my exBPDw has had a major breakdown and is currently in hospital but she didn't know any of the details. I know it's no longer my issue but I can't help thinking that her e-mail on Friday was a plea for me to reach out and respond to her. I know it's not right but I'm starting to feel pangs of guilt for not reaching out.

Why?

Because it brought back a memory of something she once told me, her ex from several years ago. They had a big fight and she was ignoring him despite him reaching out to contact her. She ignored his phone calls and he overdosed only to be found dead the following morning. I do know part of the story is true because he was a movie star and his death was public knowledge. What I couldn't verify is whether or not he did actually try and contact her while he was dying, like she said, or whether it was a projection of what she would do if I ever ignored her. I did ask my exgf how she knew and it was through comments posted on my ex's Facebook from other people.

I can't stop thinking about the similarities but trying to rationalise my thinking. She had a breakdown 6 months prior to me meeting her but refused to stay in hospital more than a day, if she has been there for several days then it must be serious. I also keep reminding myself that she is in a better place, somewhere she might start to actually get some help, providing she drops the ego long enough to work through it. There is also nothing I can do for her but my concern is for the children. However, I also know that I won't be able to get any contact and can guarantee that her mother will blame me for where she is, despite her history of this in every relationship. Why? Because her mother has blamed everybody else too.

I'm tempted to reach out but I know it will do more harm than good, part of me wonders if she has done this to get the attention because I was still NC and part of me is wonders if it's because she removed the floor from under her and has struggled to cope. I don't hold any blame towards my exgf for saying anything because her concern was for the children too, so I think she did the right thing in saying something. Either way though, it does have me worried and concerned and I'm trying to balance between holding back or rushing in.