Question About Counselor who Encouraged Wife's Behavior

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I haven't been able to find an answer to this, but from everything I can see, the only accountability that a therapist-counselor has to any standards at all is (1) if his client initiates a law suit or (2) if his client dies because of his faulty methods. 

I want to feel like I have done everything that I can to take action in a situation that has felt very helpless, especially since the counselor that my wife has been seeing became involved.  He advised against marriage counseling, did nothing to help my wife with a condition that almost certainly also involves bi-polar disorder, and gave her a book called Women who Run with the Wolves, which encourages women to be wild and break the bonds of any responsibilities that seem to be holding them back--and for a person who is already prone to rash and impulsive decision making that only focuses on her own feelings, this escalated the chaos to a whole new level. 

His methods, according to two psychologists that I've met with, are very off-kilter and they agree have probably exacerbated rather than helped the situation.  But it seems as though there is a lack of oversight when it comes to counseling in general, and that there is nothing one can do about reigning in counselors who are way off base--it would be nice to at least have some level of accountability that might allow an actual psychologist with experience to take a look at what has been going on.  I am just wondering if anyone out there has had success in doing anything about clearly off-kilter counselors who have encouraged more psychological trauma? 

[BPDdaddy]

I haven't been able to find an answer to this, but from everything I can see, the only accountability that a therapist-counselor has to any standards at all is (1) if his client initiates a law suit or (2) if his client dies because of his faulty methods. 

I want to feel like I have done everything that I can to take action in a situation that has felt very helpless, especially since the counselor that my wife has been seeing became involved.  He advised against marriage counseling, did nothing to help my wife with a condition that almost certainly also involves bi-polar disorder, and gave her a book called Women who Run with the Wolves, which encourages women to be wild and break the bonds of any responsibilities that seem to be holding them back--and for a person who is already prone to rash and impulsive decision making that only focuses on her own feelings, this escalated the chaos to a whole new level. 

His methods, according to two psychologists that I've met with, are very off-kilter and they agree have probably exacerbated rather than helped the situation.  But it seems as though there is a lack of oversight when it comes to counseling in general, and that there is nothing one can do about reigning in counselors who are way off base--it would be nice to at least have some level of accountability that might allow an actual psychologist with experience to take a look at what has been going on.  I am just wondering if anyone out there has had success in doing anything about clearly off-kilter counselors who have encouraged more psychological trauma? 

[simplyasiam]

i found out BPDex was lying to counselor so im sure they didnt know what to help her with. ive called her Pdoc and counselor many times when i was on her contact list, it helped back then to bring her down to earth. she had me removed from list this time, counselor still took my call but could only hear what i was saying couldnt reply anymore. im sure counselor had to tell ex what i siad, i was really trying to help.

i understand how you feel but if your not there who know what she telling them she really wants

[charred]

The issue with someone with BPD seeing a counselor is simple... . they are BPD. My exBPDgf says she saw a counselor, says the counselor suggested she read "Women who love too much" and said the counselor indicated I was probably NPD, but that she (pwBPD) had a good head on her shoulders.

My gut reaction is same as yours... . the counselor must be incompetent... . or oblivious.

After some thought... . I doubt my exBPDgf saw a counselor at all, as it cost money and she could manufacture what one said much easier than actually seeing someone. Even if she did, she heads in to whatever she does with an agenda, and a cover story and only presents information that backs her story, etc. From the counselors point of view the pwBPD doesn't seem too bad, just concerned and inhibited a bit from doing what they want.

Had a counselor been on hand when she was acting out fully as a hater... . I suspect the counselor would have called the police and worked on getting her committed... . but the crazy behavior doesn't come out typically in brief encounters like a counseling session.

Most counselors don't talk to anyone but their patient... . they don't get but one possibly skewed viewpoint.  A whole lot of counselors run from BPD patients, they tend to be terrible patients... . they lie and seem like great patients at first, then get clingy, then flip and paint the counselor black... . just as they do with anyone else. My exBPDgf told me about having a tough time in grad school, she went to a great counselor and he did great things for her at first, got her off of partying and back to studying... . then she came to depend on him, and he turned out to be be horrible so she tried to have his licensing revoked... . same stuff I am talking about. The conversation did include that he diagnosed her BPDw/Bipolar... . which she discounted, and at the time I did... . much to my detriment.

You were talking about standards and accountability, and its understandable to wonder... . but you don't know what she said, what impression she gave the counselor and if your sole source of information is a pwBPD... . your chances of getting an accurate read on what happened, and was said is slim. HIPPA and confidentiality requirements, and the like will keep the counselor from wanting to discuss it with you (in all likelihood.)

If you really want to know what standards, accountability and so forth are expected, look to the state mental health professional licensing boards and research laws for your state, they could spell out what they are legally held to.

I would focus on yourself, look in to de-stressing, check out mindfulness, do something positive for yourself... . counselor accountability... . pick your battles, its not a war worth having... . and may not even be an issue to you, if you had the same information the counselor did.

[BPDdaddy]

I think you're right.  She was a Damsel in Distress when I met her, and her family members were the bad guys.  It was a way of justifying her desire to run away, blow everything in her past up, and start anew.  Now I am the bad guy, and she is a Damsel in Distress looking for new sources to feed her narcissism.  It was just a mind blowing experience to see her impulsive, and disruptive, behavior elevated to a new level with the encouragement of her counselor--she has always caused chaos, but the level of chaos that I saw and still see after she found this counselor has scarred me (the mental images that can only be compared to horror movies like the Exorcist have been burned into my mind forever).  I just want to know that I have done everything possible to get through to a counselor who has instigated much of the chaos . . . it is hard to believe that the kind of things that have gone on since she began seeing this counselor, and which could have been avoided had he had a better vantage point, are what counseling was meant to encourage, and that there is no whistle-blowing mechanism when counseling creates such problems.