anniversary and divorce proceedings. rough day

[atcrossroads]

Hi all,

Some of you have been following my story though I am an infrequent poster, and I greatly appreciate the advice I've received here, especially regarding legalities surrounding listing and sale of my house.

Today is my anniversary - husband is still living in our home and today he received (via his attorney) a response from my attorney which says he must allow me to walk through house with realtor without him present so we can get house listed.  Additionally, I've paid full half of mortgage/utilities for the 6 months since I've been gone.  July is first month I'm not paying half utilities.  Further, my attorney stipulated that I would only be paying half mortgage through October (in Oct we will have been separated a year).  Husband will not be able to afford mortgage on own.

I heard from mutual friends today that he posted on FB that his life is crumbling around him, his soul is crushed, and he's in pain.  I assume he refers to the divorce communication he received today, not our anniversary.  I believe he's been in denial that he would have to actually sell and move from the house.  I grieved the house (one we both love) when I moved 6 months ago- I don't believe it has fully hit him yet.  

I feel lots of mixed emotions.  Sadness that my marriage failed (and I failed), compassion for my husband (even though I'm painted pitch black), uncertainty about my future... . and his.

Divorce ain't for the lighthearted... . it's especially hard when you had so much good with the person, and then it turned upside down, as it does when the BPD rears its head.  Just having a hard day and wish in some ways I could reach out to him -- we have been NC for 6 months except email.  I won't be reaching out, but I just needed to get my feelings out. 

[mil2bpd]

First of all, Summary,   to you... . you've attained a milestone.  6 mos and NC. Think of that as your new anniversary to celebrate. And you have NOT failed. You succeeded in getting your life and your self-respect back. I can understand feelings of sadness and grief for an anticipated life you longed for and never had - but the life you did have certainly was not the fairy tale you had in mind. Remember that even if you had remained together, the future is always uncertain. And now without him you have the opportunity to create a brighter one for yourself, one you undoubtably deserve.

Congratulations and good luck to you. And allow your feelings out - that's how you stay strong.

[atcrossroads]

Thank you, Mil.  That's a great way to look at it - 6 months anniversary of my new life, and I am trying to keep my perspective focused on the positives and the growth that come from the pain of this breakup.  I do still have moments of grieving, but like you said, perhaps it is for what never really was anyway.  Tough stuff to wrap my brain around, but I sure am trying!

I appreciate the support and the reminder, and I do believe things will continue to get better and better.