Self Sabatoge?

[lonleyandlost1]

WHY? Why does it seem like everything is going fine and then all of a sudden boom my UBPDH loses it over nothing much at all. Things he is happy to do the day before now he finds enraging, but might be ok again tomorrow. FML. I am at a complete loss. I wake up sometimes and think, am I the one with the mental illness, am I going crazy? When he goes on his rages and his long lectures I just now sit quietly, as to not engage him. This enrages him to no end. He says I dont care, about how he feels and next time something is important to me he will remember to behave the same. I am soo frustrated, I want to punch a wall. Instead Im alone in my dark room so I dont have to interact with him. I often feel like the man I married is dead and gone. Like he is never going to come back and rescue me from this person who now holds me prisoner... . What to do... .

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[Chosen]

 

lonleyandlost1,

I understand that feeling.  I could have written your post.  I think one of the reasons why they seem to self-sabotage is that they are afraid of people getting too close, and also I've read that inherently they believe they are not lovable, and that things will go wrong (as you might have realised, pwBPDs are very negative people).  So when things are going good, it doesn't fit in how they feel (which is not logical), and in an attempt to feel control, they sabotage the situation so it will fit in with their thought that indeed things always go wrong.

Also, they are very emotional people, and emotions creates "facts" for them.  That's why one day they can accept certain things and another day they just don't.  It's got nothing to do with our actions so we're caught off guard.  This illness has also been called "crazy making" because we begin to doubt ourselves, our view of the world because it's 180 degrees from theirs. 

You're right, things have to change.  You can start by checking out the Lessons on the right ---------------> to understand more about BPD behavrious and what you can do to bring about some change and regain a bit of control on your part. 

Just to let you know that I do understand, and I'm sure a lot of members here too have experienced your frustration. 

[lonleyandlost1]

Thank you Chosen. Sometimes just hearing someone gets it helps so much

[Chosen]

Yes I get it.  And you're not going crazy.

I find myself having to come here all the time to "prove" I'm not going crazy as well... .  

[waverider]

Self sabotaging is probably the  biggest single consequences they exhibit as a result of the disorder. It is so frustrating to watch as you tell yourself it could be so easy and good, so why all this?

There are many reasons this occurs, most of them complex, and it will take a while to get a handle on it, not that it will still make any sense, nor frustrate you any less ! It just is the disorder.

Most of the lessons here are about not allowing yourself to be dragged into this self sabotaging. Separating their stuff from your stuff