he's asking for a chat after 3 week silence

[Not normal]

What to do not to do?

Validate, validate , validate... . but dun give in?

So his divorce threats were fake... .

Telling me to seek a lawyer n this is the end 3 weeks ago was phony... .

I just hv a nervous feeling about it all... . dun want to be accused n blamed for everything... .

Its 2 in the morning and im going to read up lessons and the threads... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[united for now]

My first advice would be to take a deep breathe 

Validation is more of a mind set than a bunch of words to be said. Validation comes from the heart when we really are trying to hear and understand what a person is saying. We listen and we gently ask questions.

His reaching out to you is a good sign.

[Not normal]

Looking at the last post below, and I now remember about this happening.

I've made myself forget threats so easily as this would be the third major threat of divorce with me in the past 3 years of our shortmarriage.

As before, it starts off ith a question of our unknown future, and  the issue that I want to stop work for a month or two, requiring basic allowance from him n son ( currently I pay for everything n he is saving his pay for our future house )

That future is uncertain, and it has always been the same fight about how selfish to wipe out my savings and contribute nothing to the house.

This will result in me trying to keep calm , state facts n trying to leave the room but emotions got the best of me as he got what he wanted by tricking me into cursing him.

Y

He memorized hurtful words I say to himself to explain why he hates me.

Lastly, he cannot stand to b in the same house with me n can't wait that I move out with s3.

During such a rage, I got time off today n went out to meet friends and tried to be happy. I called asking if everything's ok at home and can I stay out. He said he didn't care what time I came back. So I was back at midnight, he said he was waiting for me to be home at 8 n I'm again demonstrating my selfishness. I texted him a reply n a small sorry behind, left it. Went to other room to sleep.

It's a 50-50chance if this will end or not, I told him I had the right to stay in the house and needed to show me lawyer papers... . this I said many times and did not happened.

[Not normal]

I tried to reassure him that i will not leave him, and he just laughed and said how stupid i was to not se this as his statement that this is the end.

It may or may not be true, it maybe that my technique to answer ro him is flawed...

He could have no other new issues to pickon and chose past fights from a yearor 2 ago as the main topic of a heated arguement.

I seem to trigger him and he is now at a stage of extreme rage.cooling off time is definate, unless isee papers being served to me.

I told him no fighting infront our son, and he still does it. I couldn't leave the house fast enough.

I told myself not be sad and concentrate on myself and son but cannot block out what has happened.

Concerned friends are asking me to leave while i can.

Others questioned about my explaination on blaming everything on BPD.and that i am not responsible to make him better...

He often alienates himself from me and son and loves spending timea at the pub with his buddies.

I found a note where he wrote to himself, bad things of what i am, at the bottom it was a question to himself, what exactly does she want?

This was dated a few months back.

In between i wrote a note clearly stating what i want and do not get, as i was tired that the opening liner to his fight was that i get everything that i wanted and he gets nothing out of the marriage.

And a blank page for him to write what does he want?

Igot ridiculed for that, and he has never expressed whats going on in his head. His fears and doubts etc. He locks me outand i have no clus what he thinks about unless it comes out during a rage.