|
Blessed0329
|
 |
« on: July 05, 2013, 08:34:12 PM » |
|
In one more week, it will be exactly one year since my expwBPD walked out of our place of employment, and the agonizingly slow death of our relationship began. I realized a few days ago, I feel free now. I believe I have weathered the worst. I have been able to look at photos of him, and not feel pain. I can think about our time together, and instead of being angry over the hurtful things he did, I can feel grateful for the positive aspects of our relationship. I would have never believed this just two months ago.
With my therapist, I have tried to understand what happened. From my perspective, I believe his emotional disturbance and my emotional disturbance meshed perfectly. Over a period of a few months, as we became closer and closer to each other, I literally felt him fill all of the holes in my soul, holes I learned to cope with and live with since childhood. I finally felt whole and complete, and it was truly blissful. I have NEVER felt this before in my 50+ years of life. When he left, and I understand why he had to go, it felt like I was being ripped apart inside. It has taken me all this time to get myself on level ground again.
Will he be back again, in a more direct and firm way than the random texts/emails/hang up calls he now sends? I don't know, and I can't waste time worrying about it. I have begun working out again, I have gotten very involved in an area of my church, I have family to enjoy and love, and of course work, housework, etc. I have a full and busy life, and I need to enjoy it.
I hope this gives others who are struggling now with an assurance that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This process is hell to get through, but the only way to do so is to accept and feel whatever you are feeling. Blessings to you all.
|
