No Validation effects

[crystalclear]

To me the lack of validation that my exbf is (was) infact suffering a type of PD, seems to bothering me beyond comprehension.

Although online resources, including this forum has helped me understand the traits and behavior quite a lot, and i relate to every word described here - www.mailmandelivers.net/passive-aggression/

The commonality of the 3 phase cycle (Idealisation, Devaluation and Discard) to my 13 months r/s (Can't believe my exbf considered my 15 months as his 13 months r/s) explains the patterns similarities. Perhaps, i would have closely observed his traits if it was NOT a Long distance r/s throughout. This is another factor that makes my 'understanding' more diluted - as i do not 'know' for sure how he behaved on a day-to-day basis, eventhough he 'sound/looked' NORMAL on our daily calls and video chats.

While i confidently noted as I saw he had anger issues, and could not stand if i went out to meet my guy friends - hence insecurity problems as well. There were other similarities in the behavioral traits of BPD (fear lonliness, Intimacy discomfort, Impulsivity, Intense anger, Circular arguements, Projection, Controlling etc). He jumped into the r/s by telling me he 'loved' within 3 days of meeting me and proposing marriage within 3 months. He told me he wanted to get married within an year and will not wait for me - which he din't, as he was already too old to wait any longer (33 yrs) - he could not stand to see his younger cousins getting married and his younger friends having children already.

Not ONE single day goes by when my first thought as i woke or last while i slept wasn't him and the emptiness that came with it since he broke up with me. I have been keeping myself occupied, and focusing on myself (do i have a choice?) and looking for answers about the disorder and my own shortcomings to help me heal. Unfortunately, there are no good therapists where I currently live. The only help is reading and practicing yoga.

Only if some validation came along, that i am not misinterpreting or misunderstanding as nothing else seems to make sense as to why he did what he did. A person who loved me so much could easily detach and move on like it was all my fault. No closure, no heart, and no contact. Do normal relationships end like this?

Was I the one, who was crazy after all? Feel damaged.

[jollygreen]

Hey Crystal I had some similar thoughts about my ex and her not being diagnosed. I felt sad really that she may not know and I should tell her to check it out. But I know she would have just projected and gotten angry. From all the research and reading she fits to a T. And I'm sure all along you felt that something was not right during your r/s but could not put a finger on it exactly. You just stuck it out to see if things would get better. I know what occurred for me was not right diagnosed or not.

These are not normal breakups, I have broken up several times before in other relationships, some mutual some not. Healing for me and getting back to myself was swift and easy, I never really lost myself. But with my expwBPD it was like me leaving me if that makes any sense. I just got so enmeshed. I still find myself rocking back and forth at night like we used to do for each other when we went to bed. Something I never did before her. You are not crazy. You gave so much of yourself to them. This was not a normal ending to a relationship.