n/c get n me down

[simplyasiam]

30 somedays of n/c and im starting to really miss ex alot

ive done has much learing/looking at myself and r/s as i can handle at the time

im a drywall contract and work is slow the past two weeks that makes things harder

i was tearted bad by her at times/leaving/cheating/lying/blaming

i feel better then i did a few weeks ago im not crying all the time i can make it all day at times with talking about her, can only stoping thinking about her for minutes at a time

im past just wanting her to walk back in and try again, that wouldnt work and i know it.

im in such a mixed stage i want her back but i feel i can do nothing to try and get her back. i feel if reach out to her she may reject me that would hurt to much or she may be about coming back just becouse hearing/seeing me triggered sometings. i feel i should wait and see if she reachies out to me aleast that would be her own free will.


anyone here having any feeling like this?

[Validation78]

Hi Simply!

Sorry this time of NC is so hard for you!  Hang in there, I promise, it gets better the longer you are away from the toxicity of the relationship and learn how to take care of yourself and your needs!

I think we all felt this way at first, and sometimes still do, although, for myself, very little.During the hardest times, at the beginning 6 months ago, I kept very busy at work. If I didn't have work, I exercised, prayed, talked to friends, or repeated affirmations to get my mind on something else. The discipline takes practice, and if you know in your heart that this is for the best, you must make it part of your healing.

What you are feeling is normal and understandable. It's fresh, and new. Hold on friend, and decide that you can do this for the greater good of your life!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[danley]

You're not alone. I think it's normal to feel the way you do. The first three months were hard for me. It made it harder that we work together.  It was mixed emotions for me too. I'd be happy to see him but then remembered that work was the only means of interaction. And the interaction wasn't the best as he was in his hysteria and rages often.

I too thought about HIM reaching out to me on his own free will. But after a while it didn't seem he was on that track. Something stirred up inside me and I realized I didn't like his treatment towards me. I woke up! I essentially gave up trying and moved the focus onto myself and making myself feel better. But let me tell you, I was missing what we shared. It was heartbreaking the first three months but got easier day by day. Even right now I still miss all the good times. But now my boundaries are more present and I'm very careful with him even tho he is doing exactly what I wanted a few months ago... . reaching out on his own and making an effort.

Don't view yourself as weak. It's perfectly normal to grieve the loss of someone you love. Hang in there!

[Tired68]

I know how you feel, just now I was going to text her , its been 30 days and then I decided to come on the boards and I found your post. This is by far the hardest breakup, being married (Last year, together for 7) and just getting a home together in less then a year, then I catch her in lies and cheating and then she just took off. now she has her sister texting me about the house because she missed two mortgage payments and now they want to rent it out and kick me out, she don't even have the balls to call me and handle it herself and she was the one busted! I don't know if the n/c is because she is ashamed or she just don't care. I too think about her every minute of everyday and wonder if she is thinking about me. I just cant fathom that she never cared, because that's how this feels. its getting a little better everyday but sometimes it hits me hard. I have written down a list of things she has done , more like a red flag list and I frequently look at it and think to myself " what was I thinking" so that helps too. I just want this pain to go away because I feel so disposed of, like I never mattered at all.

[simplyasiam]

thank you both.

hanging in there is all i can do at the minute i know how ever this turns out i/we needed this time apart to see what is really go on here.

i really cant help but think she will contact me at some point as we were such a large part of eachothers life for so long

if shes really doing better and moving past us is what she wants then thats how it should be.

its not like ive never broken up with someone before/ just never done it like this before.

[simplyasiam]

hello 68

i know what your saying about feeling like you never mattered.

for me this has been so on going its like normal life to me. 6 years of her coming and going every 3 months.

ive learned so much here about both sides of the story and why we both did/put up with things

she did these things but im not sure how much control she had over it

i let her do and i could have taken control

only been apart this long one time before... . the frist time and i knew nothing of BPD nor did she at the time doc said it was just depression only found out about BPD and bipolar late last year. i had no clue i could do anything till i found this place.

now i know i can heal and she could also if she worked at it.

time will tell Gods will

[Annie D]

I'm in the same boat and just came to the boards because I always find comfort here.  I'm sad and having a very rough day too.

I do know that there is no future with my ex.  As much as I love her, a life with her would be unbearable.  I miss the affection and the good times even though they were very few and far between near the end.

Take good care of youself.  I wish I had words of wisdom but I'm pretty much in the same place as you.

Stay strong... . That's what we need to do.  I just look forward to the day where thinking of my ex is not so painful.

Annie

[Tired68]

god I just want to call her! its like having no closure, like being cut off at the knee's. why should I call her when she is the one that got caught and the one that left! god help me!

[Validation78]

Hi Tired!

It's not uncommon for the pwBPD to end the relationship, leaving us with no closure. It's painful either way, but more so when you don't even understand why the disordered one did the leaving!

Many members have found it helpful to write a letter, laying out their feelings and never mailing it. It may seem a bit useless at first, however, it does allow you to verbalize your feelings about what is happening, and finding some "mock" closure so to speak. Of course, some members have mailed the letters too. I warn you though, the reactions from pwBPD are not usually what we would expect, so sharing your feelings may not be a good idea.

If you were to call her, what would you hope to have happen?

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Simply, I'm with Val: it's a toxic soup and the sooner you get out the better.  Like a lot of things in life, it might have to get worse before it gets better, but that's all part of the process.  Allow yourself the chance to slowly start to heal.  It's hard, I agree, and takes time, but slowly but surely things will improve.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim