Off the depression meds

[lockedout]

I'm 38 y/o, separated now for 6 months The marriage lasted 4 1/2 years. While I was married, I had been to several therapists and then a psychiatrist: my ADHD, for which I never took medication for up until 2 years ago at age 36 became "unmanageable" and I was convinced the ADHD was the cause of all of our marriage problems. I should have been perfectly happy spending my days off from work with a small child and having no other outlets other than making sure the house was clean, laundry done, and dinner ready by the time she got home. Being totally flustered was a big problem for her and resulted in loss of affection until I stopped being so selfish and "came around" I was given Strattera and Wellbutrin. I then switched to Vyvanse and stayed on Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression. I decided a couple of weeks ago to take the leap and quit the Wellbutrin; it caused brain fog and numbed me for perfectly normal emotions.

Coming off this came with some re-bound symptoms - fatigue, irritability, and rebound depression. I was re-living some of the past hurts surrounding being

painted black and ultimately leaving. I am still homesick and hoping to get back to the house someday (albeit not with her). I've also been dating and I've been in touch with several women; even planning to go out with a H.O.T. one over the weekend. While juggling texts from several of them it realized I was depressed and this was quite abnormal. I did some online and found a natural supplement that has been successful in combating the re-bound depression.

I'm on the slow road to re-building the identity I sacrificed trying to make something work that was never meant to. I'm dating, but not jumping into anything serious. There's a lot of debate as to when one is ready to date, but I am getting better at picking better ones to date. I'm learning to eliminate ones that don't seem to be quite right upstairs. I'm even dating better looking ones. My confidence is also making a comeback. I'm still in good physical shape and eating better. I'm learning to cook again. I'd always enjoyed it before but was eventually marginalized from it for not having it ready on time and because she always came up with some reason as to why something I made wasn't fit to eat. I'm even considering dropping the other ADHD med, so I can go back to being "me" again, scatterbrained and all. 

I just thought I'd run this by - I know a lot of us are probably taking some kind of medication to combat the emotional symptoms caused by a BPDer we are trying to detach from. I'm not advocating that anyone do anything without guidance from their doctor. The medication certainly helped me get through a rough time but I'm also realizing that it was blocking out some of the good things and shielding me from the bad emotions to the point that I may not keep striving to make things better. I just thought I'd share and see if anyone else has had similar experiences.

[Clearmind]

Meds can do that lockedout - only a doctor will know whether meds are an option. I never took them - probably could have but didn't.

Time has also passed now and you appear to be doing much better. Hope you are getting out and enjoying life.

[SockMonkey]

I took Effexor---it didn't block anything out (at least for me), but made days more tolerable. It stopped the constant crying.  It certainly did not block out all the pain, but it did help me.  I came off of it a month ago. 

My doc thinks I have mild attention deficit and we are looking at some options.  But, I don't want one that numbs me.