Speedbump - Looking for some help

[Hurtbad]

Hello All, 

I am glad that whenever I share my story or try to help I always mention that I know there will be other bad days for me, as well.  Well I did it to myself this time.  Overall, I am doing much better, but tonight I thought I could just take a look at her Facebook page.  She is at a competitive event with her family... . and her new beau... . out west, and I thought I might see how the event was going. Well, they... . the two of them... . looked great together and she looked very happy.  It just broke my heart.  The good news is that it also broke my heart because I have come to the healthy realization that I can never go back.  My soul aches a lot from missing her, but my life, my sanity and my future feel better without her. Of course it takes time to have my head catch up with my heart.

I just need to tell someone, anyone,  that the sadness washes over me like a warm bitter bath.  I have lost who I though was the love of my life.  She was beautiful, funny, smart and loving... . when she was not toxic and angry and needy.

So once again, I will pull up on my bootstraps, and be better tomorrow.  I will remember to stay away from from her Facebook, and accept that she is lost to me.

It is sad, so very sad,  Thanks for listening.

[Validation78]

Hey HB!

Of course it all hurts and is very sad. She was many wonderful things to you and the loss you feel is real and difficult to come to terms with. It's healthy to grieve the loss, and to allow yourself a bad day now and then which will soon be a bad moment, occurring less and less. It's also healthy to acknowledge the other component of the relationship, that which was not healthy, and caused pain for you. It's a  bitter reminder of why you are no longer in the relationship, and why, for your own well being, you have to keep your distance, even if you think you can handle seeing her, and her life now.

Kudos to you for maintaining a healthy outlook on the new day. If we're lucky, we will keep getting them, and with each one, we get further away from the toxicity and dysfunction!

Best Wishes,

Val78