Point is, don't focus on them... . what they may or may not be... . focus on YOU and what YOU can control. You've wasted too much time concentrating on THEM! It's really only about YOU now, and that's what YOUR therapy / recovery needs to focus on!
mcc503764, what are your thoughts as to why we tend to concentrate so much on 'them'?
I think we tend to concentrate on them so much for a number of reasons... . For me, it was my self esteem. I was high on emotion and validation when my gorgeous BPD x and I started dating! So because I had self esteem issues to begin with, I used my x to feel better about myself! The intoxication of the new r/s! But slowly, she wrapped me in her web and would slowly feed on me when it was convenient for her... .
But yes, definitely my own self worth / esteem issues would be the reason why I ignored all of the red flags. Perhaps a tad bit of my own "NPD" (God how I hate labels,) was fueled by having a "trophy gf / wife?" I've always been a sucker for a pretty face I guess... . Wanting to keep her happy fueled me. Wanting to provide and support her to the best of my abilities... . I didn't see me as losing myself at the time, I saw it as doing the right thing I guess... .
But the more I would do, the more she wanted... . I could never win. The push/pull was like emotional bullying... . I was afraid to voice my opinion on things for the fear of the storm it would start... .
So, I have worked very hard at rediscovering myself. I am at the gym daily, new car, clothes... . I've reconnected with old friends, met new ones, and I do what I want! I've reinvented myself in a lot of ways and it feels good!
I still have LC with my x, but that will fade in time. I am not really that angry anymore. I am kinda numb when I think about it mostly. I still care, but I have definitely learned to care about ME first!
MCC
MCC
