Cutting

[Spaces]

I think my dBPDgf might be cutting again.  She's said she hasn't for years but I see evidence of it all the time.  I see bloodied bandaids, sometimes broken bic razors, and sometimes when I hold her if I touch her where she's always covered she winces in extreme pain and then gets weird and kicks me out for half an hour.  

Is there anything I can do?  Should I do something?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[united for now]

Why don't you just ask her then?

[waverider]

Why don't you just ask her then?

In a non judgemental way of course, she is probably very insecure and embarrassed about it.

[Spaces]

I've tried to bring it up twice, delicately, but she automatically went on the offensive and gets angry, as if I've accused her.  And when she didn't get angry she made some lame, but plausable, story.  I can rarely catch her lying though, she's really quite brilliant and pays attention to detail almost as well as I do.

[waverider]

I guess if she believes its non of your business and doesn't want to discuss it you can't make her, until she is ready to.

Either way you can stop her, so maybe let it go, it is quite common, and not always as serious or as horrifying as you might think it is.

My partner used to cut, doesn't do it anymore but she effectively self harms in other ways, some obvious some not so obvious. From ODs to sleep deprivation & not eating

[Spaces]

So, we had a HUGE fight yesterday.  To quickly sum it up she blamed me for "everything" and I fought back.  It was interesting because I was at the point where I was ready if she broke up with me again, so every bs thing she threw in my face I cleanly and elequently disassembled it and threw back into hers.  At one point she said something and I was done and went to leave, she stopped me, started sobbing and said she loved me etc.  Etc etc, and then I said "I'm really worried about your cutting"

She replies "haha, what are you talking about". I explained the evidence and then after another 20 minute fight about how insulting I am that I would ever even think she cuts herself, its dropped.

Today she says "so... . Since the cats out of the bag, its really hot, I'm butting on a bikini top, don't freak out about my cuts". She says the normal razor she uses broke, so she's using a different one that makes it look much worse than it is. 

So... .   She's admited to cutting, but is downplaying it as something as normal as brushing your teeth in the morning.  Granted, the cuts aren't that bad, it looked like a bunch of paper cuts, nothing you want to get lemon juice in, but risk of infection seems low.

So my first post

Is there anything I can do?  Should I do something?

[waverider]

So what do you believe you achieved apart from a whole lot of conflict?

[united for now]

She already has a lot of shame about cutting, so how you behave is important.

# don't show disgust or anger towards her

# don't baby her or caretake her either (be overly dramatic)

# don't stick around and watch her cut

# don't normalize it

She knows it isn't healthy and will stop when she is ready. For now it works to help her cope. Your job is to allow her the space to decide when she wants to stop.

Lots of resources out there, so check them out.

And rethink your behavior during the fight.

You can't beat them by joining them in dysfunction... .