Need some advise

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I decided few weeks ago that i am leaving.

The only thing that changed between then and now is that after wanting to divorce forever, BPDH wants to not divorce.

He now stated how much he loves me. How infill his life ,with hope and meaning and obviously this makes me breaking away, a tad bit harder.

He agreed to his mistakes. And now ants to go with me to marriage counselling at our church.

I need advise regarding BPD. He never went to church with me. Frankly we never even prayed together. But now he is hitting a 180 degree turn.

1. From not wanting any children with me, he now wants to become a daddy again

2. From not going to church he now wants to go to church.

3. He suddenly realizes (again... . )that he has been a bad husband and wants to now after two years of marriage be that responsible husband that i deserve.

4. He confesses that he neglected his love for me.

Im scared to believe all this again. Is this manipulation cos he isnin a needy situation of not being able tonget a place to live in for himself.

From having absolute clarity Ive become so confused these last few weeks simply because he wants to try and win me over. And everytime I tell him to stop saying that he loves me (caught him in emotional affair for second time )

Why the confusion? Is this normal? How do i get out of confusion?

[Wishful thinking]

I decided few weeks ago that i am leaving.

The only thing that changed between then and now is that after wanting to divorce forever, BPDH wants to not divorce.

He now stated how much he loves me. How infill his life ,with hope and meaning and obviously this makes me breaking away, a tad bit harder.

He agreed to his mistakes. And now ants to go with me to marriage counselling at our church.

I need advise regarding BPD. He never went to church with me. Frankly we never even prayed together. But now he is hitting a 180 degree turn.

1. From not wanting any children with me, he now wants to become a daddy again

2. From not going to church he now wants to go to church.

3. He suddenly realizes (again... . )that he has been a bad husband and wants to now after two years of marriage be that responsible husband that i deserve.

4. He confesses that he neglected his love for me.

Im scared to believe all this again. Is this manipulation cos he isnin a needy situation of not being able tonget a place to live in for himself.

From having absolute clarity Ive become so confused these last few weeks simply because he wants to try and win me over. And everytime I tell him to stop saying that he loves me (caught him in emotional affair for second time )

Why the confusion? Is this normal? How do i get out of confusion?

[Suzn]

Marriage counseling often fails with a person with BPD. It can be invalidating for both partners. Therapy for a person with BPD needs to be with a licensed therapist trained in BPD behaviors. Half the battle is a pwBPD accepting their disorder and becoming diligent with therapy. Does your husband accept he has BPD? Has he ever been in therapy and diagnosed?

Having children is a huge responsibility, this could complicate matters tremendously. It might be a good plan to focus on your current situation as a whole prior to bringing children into your marriage.

[Wishful thinking]

Thnx Suzn

Yes he has accepted that he has BPD and everything he does is cos of BPD etc.

i hear of it everyday.  He goes to psychiatrist once a month but only for his medication. He doesnt open up and says if he does they will admit him. We are in a country where there are no therapists etc who deals with BPD. We enquired at our Psych Hospital.

I cant see myself having children with him as I will be a single mom cos he has no zest for life.

Anyways, like I said my mind was made up before he started with his I-love-yous etc. and how he wants me back and how is willing to change.

Hence my question. Is this at all possible in light of our situation with no ppl being able to manage his illness?

This has caused me alot of confusion. And am struggling to believe this to be manipulation because last thing i want is for us to build on something and then all will come tumbling down a few months later.

What do I do in this case. I dont want to be in this marriage. Simply because I cant see him changing anytime soon. Yet he has never got the right therapy and is willing to go for anything that is available.

If you say marriage counselling will be invalidating to both of us... . what exactly do you mean?