My ex borderline, a different person on the phone

[Reg]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone has the same experiences as I do have - and am wondering if this had to do with the fact that she was not in person before me.

My ex and I lived for a moment, to European standards and certainly the ones in my tiny country, LOL, far away from one another, that is some 55 miles or so.  I laugh with that as I did often 120 miles a day to go to work or even a lot more.

This meant that we did talk often at the phone to eachother.  I've always experienced that she could talk to me a lot better on the phone in comparison to a talk in person, when I looked her in the eyes.  Answers to more difficult questions came most of the time also faster.  I do say, most of the time, there were exceptions on a frequent base.  But in general it was a lot easier for her.

Thanks for your reactions !

Reg

[crystalclear]

  Reg,

This was very strinkingly evident in my exbf's behavior. Since ours was a LDR throughout, he was very romantic, sensitive and easy going person on the phone/ video chat but when we were physically present with eachother - he was none of that. He was controlling, silent and detached.

We would excitedly make numerous plans over the phone but there was barely any follow through on it. He was more fun on the phone or chats - and more than anything else he refrained intimacy and abstained sex. There was no cuddling, no romance - i always waited for him to initiate it. He wants me to be with him and 'enjoy' with him and 'be my fun self'  with him but i just couldn't. He was very judgemental in what i said, my past actions and words and would have frequent mood swings. He wanted me to take charge or make plans, and when i did he would disapporve of those.

Most of the times, i could not process his behavior and feared being myself. He hated it if i was 'silent', because i'm a chatty bubbly person with people i am comfortable with. But i just could not be  that although i really wanted to - and did try all the time.

I wanted to have fun and a great time with him but felt like i was walking on egg shells. He was very passive aggressive as a person and sometimes i was puzzled as to what he wanted from me? I attributed his discomfort and anger to the 'distance' and LDR.

[Reg]

Crystalclear,

I see a very similar behaviour between both persons indeed on the phone, a most curious thing after all. And on the other hand not... .   And in the chat also.  And also on the matter of making plans, identical behaviour.

My ex did do some very romantic things early in the relationship, she had very little experience with cuddling, and this was something she could do very often with me in her good moments, even leading to an almost overdose in three or maybe four cases, that is in bed.

In bed curious behaviour, she needed to feel me close to her, but on the other hand she didn't want sex many times, she used it as a weapon as a matter of speaking and it was an overdose sometimes on oher moments.

On other moments she was pushing me away, she didn't need it, she didn't feel like it.  The same with hugs, on some moments I could see she really needed it, on other moments she also pushed me away with the same explanationas for the cuddling.  Sometimes she really reacted on a hug, on other moments barely or not.

On moments I am a talker, on other moments I tend to be silent and listen a lot to others and what they say.  She also had it difficult on moments that I wasn't saying a lot, sometimes because I enjoyed the silence after a busy day at work, sometimes because I felt some tension coming from her side.

Reg