So Bizarre - exBPD GF Now Using Her Ex-Husband

[WonderingWhat]

After another round of my ex attempting to contact me, I found an app that completely blocks her text messages from my Blackberry.

So her response? Well... . in the middle of the night the other night, I start getting phone calls from her ex-husband, who she was apparently separated from when I met her (she had also been working on but did not complete divorce proceedings against him and I have no idea where that stands at this point).

He sounded somewhat inebriated and didn't identify himself when I answered (I had no idea who it was as I've never had contact with him and didn't recognize the number that showed up on my call display).  He later identified himself as "hit__'s husband," after continually asking me, "What's happening?" over and over. I thought I could hear the exBPD in the background, trying to "teleprompt" him but I am not 100% certain it was her voice. But only she could have given him my cell phone number.

At first, I thought it was a prank call and chuckled at the notion that she might have remarried. I didn't even consider that it might have been her ex-husband.

I hung up.

He called back; I did not answer but he left a voice mail in which he identified himself by name, and then made some kind of threat that I should be careful if I f*** with "his family."

It was strange. He called back a third time and I didn't answer while thinking about the message I had just heard, wondering if I should call the police.

After I heard his message and his third phone call, I decided to call him (perhaps a bad choice) to find out what the heck was going on and what this was all about.  He just kept basically mumbling over and over about how I had "f***ed his wife... . "

Just craziness. There was no point in talking to him so I hung up again. That was two nights ago and have heard nothing since.

[mitchell16]

WonderingWhat, that is very strange. But mine did something like that with me. But she texted her ex husband while with  me. She was drunk and he had texted her like a month or so before. we were standing there talking and she pulls out her phone and texts him at like 1 in the morning. I asked her who she was texting and she told me. i asked her why she did that and she said she wanted me to tell him off. The had been divorced many years before we met and they had a terrible relationship. I still cant figure what her motivation was behind that one. trigulation maybe? i just dont know.

[WonderingWhat]

I still cant figure what her motivation was behind that one. trigulation maybe? i just dont know.

I am convinced there is no point in trying to figure out their motivation. it's natural to wonder, but you'll never have a good answer that makes sense to us.

[WonderingWhat]

Well now... . I just had the police at my door.

Let's see... . I block her from her texts coming through, and any phone calls, three weeks ago.

Five or so days later, her ex-husband (they were separated when I met her) calls me in the middle of the night. The only way he could have got my number is from her. I believe she put him up to it, after she discovered I had blocked her.

I answer the phone, not recognizing the number, and after the caller refused to identify himself, hung up thinking it's a prank call. He calls back, and leaves a voice mail with a veiled threat about "hurting his family" whatever the heck that was supposed to mean.

He calls me again, after leaving the message.

Ten or so days later (two days ago), his number AGAIN shows up on my call display. I do not answer. Stupid me though... . I had saved his original voice mail - it was supposed to be saved for 14 days. Oddly, it is gone. She did have my access code to my voice mail which I never changed - never even thought of it until now.

Tonight, the police are at my door, with a complaint about ME sending unwanted text messages to her!

it's like... . they just don't give up, do they? If it's not one way, it's another way... . and I truly have concerns about what she is capable of coming up with next.

[WonderingWhat]

Ok... . and since I just wrote the above... . just this minute, just received a cryptic text message from her ex!

So she/they make a spurious complaint against me... . and now I get a txt message from him/them... .   all you can do is shake your head!

[recoil]

How long ago did you break up?  Just curious.

[WonderingWhat]

It's been two years! The crap never stops.

[WXYZ]

It's been two years! The crap never stops.

Might be time to get a different phone number? Perhaps consider shutting down ALL possible communication channels so you can just get on with your life - free from never ending crap!

In the end, that's what I had to do to protect myself and my family from the never ending psycho BS ... . even had to change my mother's phone number as well!

[WonderingWhat]

It's been two years! The crap never stops.

Might be time to get a different phone number? Perhaps consider shutting down ALL possible communication channels so you can just get on with your life - free from never ending crap!

In the end, that's what I had to do to protect myself and my family from the never ending psycho BS ... . even had to change my mother's phone number as well!

Possibly, but what has happened, I'm not even sure that will work. She's now made false allegations against me, to the police,  after I have been totally ignoring her.

Although she has come with some insane accusations in the past, that were hurtful, and sometimes even angering, it seems she notches it up when I ignore. She can't stand being ignored, so has to make stuff up... . and with this... . the latest... . making absolute false allegations to the police, in addition to getting her ex-husband involved, what's next?

It's weird... . she'll send me these "nice" messages, say she still wants to have contact, blah blah blah... . then go off her rocker out of the blue, and when I DO ignore them... . she finds other ways to get to me... . it's so crazy.

I mean, we live 2,000 miles away now... . she started contacting me some months ago, sent me photos of her feeding deer in her backyard, sent me messages about her grandson, then out of the blue... . came up with absolute nonsense, which has now got to the point of having the police show up at my door... .

And threatening phone calls from her ex, who she was separated from when we met... .  

I really don't know what she might be capable of. No matter what I do.

[Suzn]

You live 2000 miles away from her?

[WonderingWhat]

You live 2000 miles away from her?

Yup. That was part of the bizareness... . she woke up day and suddenly decided to move.

Told me it was over... . shattered me.

And ever since, she still can't leave me alone.

[Clearmind]

After I heard his message and his third phone call, I decided to call him (perhaps a bad choice) to find out what the heck was going on

You engage they will engage. Step back WW and ignore otherwise we feed the cycle.

[Suzn]

Possibly, but what has happened, I'm not even sure that will work. She's now made false allegations against me, to the police,  after I have been totally ignoring her.

Although she has come with some insane accusations in the past, that were hurtful, and sometimes even angering, it seems she notches it up when I ignore. She can't stand being ignored, so has to make stuff up... . and with this... . the latest... . making absolute false allegations to the police, in addition to getting her ex-husband involved, what's next?

This has ramped up no doubt. Do you think changing your number may show that you yourself don't want any contact? Meaning, that this could help protect you if more accusations are made about unsolicited texts from you.

What came of the visit to your door by police?

[WonderingWhat]

After I heard his message and his third phone call, I decided to call him (perhaps a bad choice) to find out what the heck was going on

You engage they will engage. Step back WW and ignore otherwise we feed the cycle.

That's the thing... . I have stepped back - indeed, although I found an app to "block" her texts, it doesn't completely block them - mostly it quarantines. 

So what has happened, she has still sent me text msgs., I did not even know.  I did not reply when I discovered them in my quarantine on my mobile phone.

So... . it's as if she is ramping it up because I am ignoring her/them. It's kind of like a gaslighting scenario, where she is reporting that I am doing what she is doing, because I won't continue to engage her.

[WonderingWhat]

Possibly, but what has happened, I'm not even sure that will work. She's now made false allegations against me, to the police,  after I have been totally ignoring her.

Although she has come with some insane accusations in the past, that were hurtful, and sometimes even angering, it seems she notches it up when I ignore. She can't stand being ignored, so has to make stuff up... . and with this... . the latest... . making absolute false allegations to the police, in addition to getting her ex-husband involved, what's next?

This has ramped up no doubt. Do you think changing your number may show that you yourself don't want any contact? Meaning, that this could help protect you if more accusations are made about unsolicited texts from you.

I am planning on doing that later today.

What came of the visit to your door by police?

The officer cautioned me. He did say that he understood that there were two sides to the story. He did not want to see the text messages that I had received or the log on my phone of incoming and outgoing messages.

[TheDude]

Hey Wondering,

We're about the same age and some of your relationship back story has similarities with mine. As for her motivations for something like this, I don't know that it's necessarily as bizarre as you think - at least not in the context of cyclical behaviors. Consider... . was part of her 'schtick' when you were with her to play the poor victim, specifically in terms of her prior relationships? Was she your "damsel in distress"? Modus operandi, my friend. Now that she's recycling her ex, she could very well be manipulating him into believing that the root of their problems - past and present - is you. You're now Snidley Whiplash to his Dudley Do Right.

As for stopping this, a number change may give you a break from it, but there's more than one way to skin a cat, as they say. It could, in fact, actually escalate things. Personally, I would not engage in any of this in any way. Don't answer calls from numbers you don't recognize, and keep track of your phone billing records (including hard copies). Sorry you have to go through this garbage. She's the gift that keeps on giving, huh? 

[WonderingWhat]

Hey Wondering,

We're about the same age and some of your relationship back story has similarities with mine. As for her motivations for something like this, I don't know that it's necessarily as bizarre as you think - at least not in the context of cyclical behaviors. Consider... . was part of her 'schtick' when you were with her to play the poor victim, specifically in terms of her prior relationships? Was she your "damsel in distress"? Modus operandi, my friend. Now that she's recycling her ex, she could very well be manipulating him into believing that the root of their problems - past and present - is you. You're now Snidley Whiplash to his Dudley Do Right.

As for stopping this, a number change may give you a break from it, but there's more than one way to skin a cat, as they say. It could, in fact, actually escalate things. Personally, I would not engage in any of this in any way. Don't answer calls from numbers you don't recognize, and keep track of your phone billing records (including hard copies). Sorry you have to go through this garbage. She's the gift that keeps on giving, huh? 

As far as your first paragraph, yes... . you are probably correct. 

As far as changing my number, it's a done deal now. It was on the advice of the police - they're reasoning being that if she makes allegations again, it will be obvious they are not true because I do not have that phone number.

I pity the person that ends up with my old number in the future though.