No use crying over...

[Lady31]

Within the hour I will be handing everything over to my H.  Our business, everything.

I am finding the strength it takes to willfully jump off that cliff is almost all the strength I have.  Especially when I have the power to throw a huge wrench in it, and he SURE deserves it.  Well, he does in my measure of justice... . then again I guess I need to thank God I don't get what I deserve in life. 

I can.  I don't want to.  I can.  I don't want to.  I can.  Sad, so sad, I can.  Leaning on those everlasting arms today - that's for SURE.

[ObiRedKenobi]

I'm sorry your having to go through this. I have my day coming up shortly with my BPDex I'm not looking forward to where we go from ours to this is yours this is mine.

I say hold the high ground. Our BPD ex's have often hurt us badly and repeatedly. In my case I believe I have to do the "right" thing by her, not because of who she is but because of who I am. I still want to lash out sometimes and really screw her over but I know in the end that wouldn't be the right thing to do.

[Lady31]

Thanks Obi.  I know, that is my thought too.  I don't do things because of Him, I do them because of ME.  I have to live with ME. (He doesn't have to live with him because he just blames me.)

I'm blessed to get out of this situation.  Nothing but darkness, torment, and torture there. Only way to go now is up!

I have been reflecting on what I am really losing.  The sad truth is - not much.  I don't feel anymore lonely or rejected than I did the whole marriage anyway - at least now I know that will eventually come to an end!  I'm losing the extreme tension, nervousness, abuse.  Oh man, darn it! (Sarcasm)

[Validation78]

Hi Lady!

Be brave, you can do this, you have what it takes, that being the right attitude to step through that open door, to new possibilities. You know that what you thought you had was a mirage, and cannot be what you hoped for. Keep moving forward, and become what you are meant to be.

As for crying though, I used to think it was a useless sign of weakness. I don't do it much, however, when I allow myself to express my emotions, even if it includes crying, it is real, and a huge relief. So, if you feel it, do it, embrace it !

Letting go is healthy

You control your life and decisions

Feel good about letting go

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Lady31]

Thanks for the encouragement Val.  I like reading your posts. 

Yeah, I like skipping through the painful parts I have found.  There was a time before when I was the complete opposite.  I would sit and have pity parties and very negative, depressing, defeating thoughts.   That has been some years ago.  I do need to be careful to give myself permission that some of the grieving is ok.  Ugh, not exactly my favorite part.