My Loss?

[stop2think]

5 months after breaking up with me, and complete NC - I ran into him at the airport yesterday.

I was quite shocked and did not know how to react. He looked at me from distance with complete anger and then turned away his face like he did not want to acknowledge my presence.

At that very moment , his words struck me when we last spoke and he said "I don't want to marry you as per your whims and fancies, when you were ready. You called of the engagement, and i never proposed to you ever again after that did I?"

After i called off the engagement due to his abusive behavior that previous evening, We spoke the next day and decided we would work on the r/s and still give this a chance. Since they his behavior got from bad to worse, he continued to control me, expected me to socialising and going out for parties. When i pointed out that he was getting insecure for nothing and still did what he wanted me too, he began to give the silent treatment. He said he needed time to put together his head so he can decide whether or not he will reintiate 'our' topic to his parents. He asked for time - 2 weeks went slowly to 3 months, and i began to lose my patience and got restless. I flew to him couple of times and he said he would love to spend time with me and work on the issues we had. He asked me to be his wife again? But it felt like it was not out of love but fear of lonliness.

I thought we were going to get better now because i said i wanted to be his wife. Nothing changed, he kept me away and i felt like the love had completely disappeared. He treatment worse than a stranger. And would yell at me, ignore me (i was at his place) and one night he got abusive all over again. The next day he broke up with me. I also discovered that his parents were already looking for suitors a month ago already. But he told me he was not leaving me for another girl and he did not speak to any of those girls yet. He said he has no conviction in our r/s anymore and he cannot trust me anymore because i looked into his emails. He also said that he was frustrated of all the fights and arguements. He asked me to move on because no matter what i said, he would not change his mind.

He is married now. What was he doing with me for the following 4 months.

I feel like i was the one who was cause of the demise of this r/s?

Why am i carrying the guilt?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey S2T,

You ask the right question: why are you burdening yourself with rocks (guilt) in your backpack.  It's time to lighten your pack and get moving down the trail.

You did the right thing, so don't beat yourself up for it.  I broke off an engagement to my uBPDexW for the same reason you did, but got sucked back in and ultimately married, which only recently was formally ended after 16 years of turmoil.  It was no picnic being married to my BPDex, believe me, and you are lucky to have avoided this outcome, though I understand you may be unable to feel gratitude yet.  Yet!  I think you will at some point, so be patient.

Hang in there,

Lucky Jim