The Final Blow, a painful blessing

[Hurtbad]

It took all of three, plus months.  I got word today that my exBPDgf is moving away to work in the city that she flew off to to sleep with another man she met on facebook, 3 days after we agreed to take a break. I had not even moved out yet. She is moving in with him.

Fortunately, from having worked this site and through the help of a good T, I was somewhat prepared.  I mean you really can't get any worse than those first few days when you know your live-in GF is in another man's bed before you even move out. There was much more already reported ad nauseum on these boards.  BYW:  we just went full NC yesterday.

A big part of me is relieved, something I thought I would never say just a few weeks ago. But the unimaginable pain she caused me over these past 14 weeks had brought me to the point where I would become all tense and agitated when she called, even as I was happy to hear from her.  I have slowly come to the realization that I am better off without her.

The other part of me shed a few tears at the finality of the situation.  For the longest time I harbored hope, even as I knew it would be difficult and dangerous, that she might come back to me.  That fantasy was actually easier when I was in denial about what she had done and what transpired.  The hard truth, also, is that she was the love of my life. The joy and affection we shared, as well as the depth of our knowledge about each other... . or what I thought it was... . was wonderful.  She is beautiful and smart, sexy and provocative.  BUt she is also BPD in a way that made life hard. It also was made hard by my own set of issues and shortcomings which exacerbated her bad behavior. I miss her terribly.

It is still hard to believe that she did what she did, and is now committing to someone so soon after living with me intensely for three years.  But these boards are full of such stories.  Anyway, I am doing okay.  I might shed another tear or two, but my life is moving on.  I am so very grateful for having found this site.  It is keeping me sane and forward moving.

Anyway, I am sad but hanging in.  I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Hurtbad, wow, that is painful news to hear.  My heart goes out to you.    It so very understandable that you are hurting, I would be, too. (and was, when my pwBPD said he was/wasn't/was/wasn't in love with someone else).

You touched on something that has been very important for me in my recovery: letting go of the fantasy.  I know now that our relationship would never have worked, in fact, in my case, so much of it was based on fantasy.  Even now, I've heard from him recently after over 1 year NC, and I know that what he is offering is exactly the same as before, or maybe even less.  The person I am today won't put myself in that position.

I'm glad that you are feeling stronger and that this site has helped.  It has helped me tremendously, too.

Hang in there, things will get better! 

heart

[really]

That letting go is hard isn't it hurtbad.    But in letting go we will find peace.  I lost myself in hoping that the fantasy was real.   Drove myself to utter exhaustion physically and mentally.   My thoughts are with you.