Finally left...

[southerngirl]

Well, I finally filed for divorce and am in the middle of it all... . He took it much better than I thought initially.  Since then it's a constant battle for him to follow any of the rules, perimeters or boundaries.  He breaks every little rule and pushes the limits.  It's incredibly frustrating.  I have moments where I feel sad and guilty then it's like God smacks me on the forehead and shows me WHY I'm divorcing him.  He is showing the charming side of himself to his attorney and his attorney thinks he is a "reasonable fellow".  He refused to move out when he was suppose to and battles everything with child care.  He shows me every time that I am doing the right thing.  My kids have done AMAZINGLY better since he's been gone.  It's like all the tension is gone from the house.  I think my kids are relieved but they can't say it.  They don't know how to express it.  Their behavior has improved 100%!  I am relieved and battling the emotions but I don't regret it.

[Reg]

Southerngirl,

Good to hear that you made the right decision !  My ex BPD functioned very well at work, never had seen anything in her behavior that made me doubt about anything... .   So I understand it very well his attorney is blinded as well... .

I agree completely on what you say concerning kids.  I had a very good relation with my stephdaughter who was 8 when I started my relationship with her borderline mom.  She is now 12 years old and has serious emotional problems.  She can't handle a loss of any kind in her life, still cries over her granddad who died 6 years ago, her aunt two and a half years ago, over a dog almost two years ago and a cat 8 months ago, even over me, as she misses me.

Everything points into the direction that she is emotionally seriously damaged, also as she has heard some of our fights, the fight with her husband etc... .   And even has seen the results of a fight between her mom and her husband at the time.

At school she has suffered from harassment  several times, and I discovered this much faster then her mom, who was still in denial on the matter. 

Even worse I'm afraid that she may have BPD behavior as well.  It is so toxic for everybody to be in a relationship with a borderline, who refuses to get any serious help.

It is very unfortunate that our system where I live, doesn't really bother on the matter and consequences... .

Do not feel guilty, you know very well why this can't go on any further.  Good to hear you have no regrets.

Reg