Do I attribute personality disorders too often now to others?

[Take2]

I am pretty sure I've seen a topic like this before on here so I apologize if this has already been discussed.  I guess right now I'm just fully experiencing this.  I feel like so many people around me and that I meet have clear personality disorders.  But then I wonder if it's just me being paranoid and going thru some PTSD and just thinking that they do.  It makes me tired to just think about it.  But I do see others, like a cool coworker of mine that I talk to alot now.  Happily married man, we are just friends.  But I feel him seeking my attention at times and other times shutting me out.  He seems very familiar with push and pull type behavior.  Guess I should be glad I'm not the wife there!

And then I start wondering, was everyone always like this and I was just oblivious before but now given all that I've gone thru with my ex, now I recognize red flag after red flag... .   even while still trying to work thru my own red flag issues... . ()

Just curious how many others have felt something like this... .

[heartandwhole]

Yes, Take2, I definitely feel as you do.  It seems that suddenly I recognize PDs all around me, heck, even my hairdresser!  I'm not trying to be flippant about the subject, it is serious.  I wonder if I've just gotten really good at noticing since my r/s with pwBPD and spending time on this site, OR, maybe I'm just projecting my stuff all over the place.  OR, maybe I'm getting healthier and I just see the unhealthy strategies of others around me (takes one to know one!)

What do you think Take2?

heart

[CinnamonRadio]

 Hi Take2!

I have certainly experienced that.  While those of us affected by people with BPD are maybe extra-sensitive to peoples' controlling behaviors, I personally think it's a good thing.  Fool me once, shame on you... . as the saying goes!  It is a good habit to meet everyone with a healthy does of scepticism and self-protection, as long as we don't confuse normal behaviours (like just being grumpy for example) with mental illness.

I'm completely on the same page though, I even diagnose celebrities on TV sometimes! 

[Take2]

Thanks for the responses !  Yes, I do see PD in so many people around me - friends, coworkers, etc. 

I don't doubt that my working on my own issues and getting healthier is helping me to see it in others but I honestly think it's more of the experience of knowing how badly things can go with someone who is SO disordered.  I could recognize the red flags in people before but I suppose in my past experience, for those people I ignored them on, any disorder or traits of disorders just weren't all that severe to truly cause the dysfunction that I have now experienced.  These disorders really do occur on a spectrum - not everyone is at the far end as my ex - but it's realizing my own place on the spectrum and possibly projecting some of that onto others.  I don't know.  I'm not sure about one.  I guess I truly need to be farther out from this experience to truly understand this part.  Sorry - I'm rambling with this response because I am still trying to process what I think... .  

[Cloudy Days]

I have thought this too! Especially when watching reality TV shows actually. Ramsy's Kitchen Nightmares, it seems like people with NPD and BPD seem to like to open restaurants and have them fail, . I also see it in a lot of my husband's family and my husbands father who has been deceased for a long time. I've only heard stories about him but I'm positive he had it. I've even noticed it with people at work. I think I am more or less looking for the red flags in people because I didn't notice them in my husband until it was too late. Now I never want to associate with another one as long as I live! Although I'm still married to my husband, and he has even said the people on TV seem to have personality disorders.

[waverider]

These traits are present in normal folks. The difference that makes it a Disorder is that it it presents to a level that interferes with "normal" emotional and life regulation abilities. So you will get little familiar "blips" on your PD radar from many people ( I am sure I would blip the radar myself at times  ). These are not people who would be classified as having a disorder.

At first it is like someone has turned the lights on and you are startled by everyday things you couldn't see before. Eventually that settles down until you can tell the difference between a few traits and potential full blown disorder

[bb12]

In addition to having the PD radar set to high in my everyday life, I mainly feel conscious of seeing PDs everywhere when I look at my back catalogue of failed romances and friendships. The ones that didn't last all seem to be BPD / NPD now that I know so much about it. All a bit secretive about there past; no friends older than a year or two; always victims of a psycho ex; all bad with money. And ultimately all did things that made an ongoing r/ship impossible.

For me it is confirmation of my codependency and the association with fixing and feeling loved. I had to do something to feel worthy of r/ship. But now I don't. I can just be.

For me, this seeing BPD everywhere is a good thing and confirmation I am awake to them and to myself



Bb12

[Clearmind]

When boundaries become second nature, when you get to re-know you after the break up, when you begin to see red flags clearly in others - its less on your radar.

And most importantly when you begin to trust yourself and gain confidence in your ability to be perceptive of others and their behavior towards you --- it will occur to less.