Did I win? What happened?

[Rocknut]

I had the typical BPD relationship. I was put on a pedestal from September last year till January. Then in January, 2 weeks after I met his mother, my boyfriend clear out of the blue said " this may sound cold but I have no feelings for you." ... . The sudden breakup so common in BPD relationships. Then he relapsed on drugs, waking and baking on pot. However, I stuck around. I didn't yet know about BPD. I put up with him ignoring me during February, march. In march he started being angry. In April he did everything possible to hurt me. He called me makes, said terrible things. He said he hated me. He cut off contact from April 8th till around the first of may. After he reestablished contact, I became victim of horrible rage attacks during all of may. But still... . I hung around, trying to talk to him, etc.

Finally around the 1st of June, he said, " you love me. You love my crazy. You put up with me and didn't leave."

He he repeated this several times. He has not tried to leave me since then. He still has rages, but they have called somewhat. He is also trying to cut back on pot.

So... . Did I win? Did I breakthrough?

[popeye6031]

It is good that he has stuck around this long but if he suffers from BPD, it is only a matter of time before something triggers him off.  I think most here would say, given that it is still early enough in your relationship, to run a mile.  For sure, at some point, the same beahviour is going to recycle itself.  So ask yourself if you are willing to put up with it for as long as you decide to be with your bf.  Take care.

[hanginon]

RN,

I have been through that same cycle in a days time, weeks time and every month or two. If he is truly BPD and not in active therapy and you getting some T on how to handle him... . I would say it is just the roller coaster ride you can expect while being in a relationship with someone who has mental illness.  There are lots of good information on these boards to help you deal with someone who has BPD but if I were you, I would have to reflect on why I would want to be in a relationship where I were the care giver and the one that had to go to great lengths to try and keep things stable and keep it together.

I wish I had of... . Just my opinion.

Good luck with your situation,

Hanginon

[Surnia]

RN

Sounds like he is a bit surprised, that you could handle it so far, perhaps in his prior rs they left earlier , who knows?

About winning or breakthrough: I had the picture of a horsewhisperer or someone who is good with difficult dogs. This moment when animals give up resistance and trust is coming in place... .

We are dealing with SO with interpersonal disorders, this is different unfortunately.  :'(

What you can do: Being mindful about his next moves. When he starts going cold again, you know it is the roller coaster.