I´m feeling depressed, missing her, torn apart

[Surnia]

  tomjon78

How are you doing?

[tomjon78]

 tomjon78

How are you doing?

Hi

I´m having ups and downs. I just finished a vacation with my kids last tuesday. I went to my T yesterday, I got to meet him a little earlier than planned. It was good and I got some release there. But I have been quite depressed and having trouble with sleeping. My T. said this was a form of PTSD and I would really have to concentrate on my activities and try to be as little by myself as possible.

I´m still having trouble with getting her out of my mind. I have had some moments I just want to break NC but I´ve still managed to maintain it, thank god.

[Surnia]

Good to hear from you again, tomjon. 

And great you could see your T a bit earlier. 

I´m still having trouble with getting her out of my mind. I have had some moments I just want to break NC but I´ve still managed to maintain it, thank god.

Some activities could perhaps help here, like your T stated. Some work for body and mind. 

It will get better!

[Aussie0zborn]

This is a very difficult time and I feel for you. Please don't weaken now.

What will give you the most strength to get through this?

[tomjon78]

UPDATE!

Been ups and downs last few weeks emotionally. After being strong I failed on the NC last night. I went out for a few drinks and got quite drunk. I went home and I texted her the following text

"I always loved you and miss our good moments, that´s just what I wanted to say"

I don´t know why I did this... . I was drunk and have not gotten any reply. I just feel so ashamed to have done this.

I have been having strong dreams about her. I have been looking at her FB again and I know that it isn´t healthy for me. I´m reliving all our moments many times a day.

I get better days in between the bad ones. But detaching sure is a slow process in my case. I just feel my self confidence is very low and my appearance isn´t very good. I have gained weight and feeling quite depressed.

But I´m trying to change this. Just bought a bike to go to work instead of driving. I´m starting a workout routine with my friend next week and I fell better when I get my kids every other week.

Do you think I should send her another text explaining that the previous one was done while I was drunk? Just to say I won´t send another text message.

I´m feeling quite lost now... .

[Surnia]

  Tomjon

good to hear from you again. Not your best night, so sorry to hear. 

I think the message is okay like this, no need to send another one. Should she answer later, you can think about a short message again that you will not send another one.

Can you take it as a wake up call and forgive yourself?

But I´m trying to change this. Just bought a bike to go to work instead of driving. I´m starting a workout routine with my friend next week and I fell better when I get my kids every other week.

This are good news. Bike to work and workout with a friend sounds good.

Hang in there, Tomjon.

[eeyore]

Tomjon,

Try to stay strong at N/C. It helps to post here on the message boards.  We are all here for you.