one year later

[afterdeath]

Hello friends,

I'm a month shy, a little less now than when she kicked me out and never looked black (ha ha ha... . Splitting get it?).

So how does it feel a year later? Could be better, could be worse. No where near as bad as those first few months. I'm basically back to normal. I still get angry, I still get sad, it's just more rare as I'm busy with my own life now.

I'm starting a new job in two weeks and for the first time ever I have a five year plan. I'm taking a risk with this new job in hopes of becoming happy again and getting out of this rut.I believe my plan will pay off in the long run.

I try to eliminate all triggers but I let a few remain so I could get what I needed and that's my validation. A big event just happened to my BPD ex, her sister got married. So pictures were posted after almost 8 months of her falling off the grid.

I saw my replacement. It is the same guy she was fooling around with, granted I never saw or met the guy, it is the one I thought all along.

Now,I don't know whether I should be mad or just laugh hysterically. He's nine years older at 35 and he's got two chins and he's balding. Come on. Really?

Do I care? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. Why someone threw away a family for that is beyond me and I'll never know. But it doesn't rule my life any more. I'm going to make sure someday she regrets it, meaning I will keep bettering myself and my life without her, I will not stay stagnant. She'll be sorry some day, and by then it'll be too late.

It hurts, it sux, it will never make sense, but you will get better. One day at a time, there is really no triggers or tripwires left in this BPD dance floor that was once full of mines.

No where to go but forward.

She no longer has the privilege nor will she ever have the privilege of me in her life again, and I can tell you she's missing out. She's missing out on a great friend, lover, and life long partner, as well as father to her daughter.that's the choice she made by throwing it all away for her fellow work mate, that's what she's stuck with, more power to her, I hope her life is as great as she pretends.

Mine will be great, and I will no longer pretend.


Stay strong friends

[Lucky Jim]

Hey afterdeath, Sounds like you're on the right path.  Who cares who she is dating?  You are moving on, my friend.  I am uncertain why you wanted to review all those wedding pictures, which you must have known would stir up a lot of feelings.  It's hard, I know, yet the sooner you give up on the fantasy that things could have worked out with your BPD ex, the better.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim

[afterdeath]

Hey afterdeath, Sounds like you're on the right path.  Who cares who she is dating?  You are moving on, my friend.  I am uncertain why you wanted to review all those wedding pictures, which you must have known would stir up a lot of feelings.  It's hard, I know, yet the sooner you give up on the fantasy that things could have worked out with your BPD ex, the better.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim

Good point Jim, thanks. I guess I look at it as a challenge: taking a bull head on and as soon as it doesn't hurt anymore I'll know I'm over it and accepted it.

I don't plan on looking at any more photos, it was a random classmate turned photographer as a hobby who got hired to shoot the wedding, so I could've blocked his feed but I'm tired of hiding and changing my life to better suit her.

Sick of running and hiding, I rather just face the truth: she's with him, accept it and get over it

[bpdspell]

She no longer has the privilege nor will she ever have the privilege of me in her life again, and I can tell you she's missing out. She's missing out on a great friend, lover, and life long partner, as well as father to her daughter.that's the choice she made by throwing it all away for her fellow work mate, that's what she's stuck with, more power to her, I hope her life is as great as she pretends.

I love this comment.

There is a tendency to forget that our ex's lose big time when we are no longer in there lives. So many of us focus on what we believe we lost with them when in reality BPD's lose good people all the time. People who actually care... . who have compassion... . are truly rare diamonds.

Yes. We are a prize and they do lose US. And we are valuable.

My BPDexbf lost a great lover and a true friend. I really cared and wanted to see him happy, flourishing and better. And because of his disorder he's thrown a good person away.

Spell

[Lucky Jim]

Agree with you Spell, and afterdeath:  those with BPD are constantly alienating the people who care about them most.  I once asked my BPDexW why she was trying to drive away the one person who loved and understood her best.  Can't recall the answer, and doubt she had any self-awareness of why she was doing it.  The disorder seems to compel the pwBPD to push anyone who gets too close away . . .

Afterdeath, I don't think there's any particular timetable to recover from a BPD relationship so give yourself some space to feel your feelings.  You'll know when you've reached that point.  In the meantime, take good care of yourself and listen to your gut feelings.

Hang in there,

Lucky Jim