Hello, and here's to another warm welcome

[iluminati]

I've been on and off these boards for the past 3 years.  I have decided to file for legal separation from my wife.  Reading it makes it all seem final, but that's that.  Everyone has their limits, and I reached mine.  I hope that this side welcomes me as warmly as Staying has over the years, and I hope for your continued support. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Illuminati, I am recently divorced form my BPDexW and can understand what you mean about reaching your limit.  Like you, I've been on Staying, as well as Undecided, and find this Board extremely helpful.  I suspect you will recognize familiar monikers from other Boards, as many of us have made the transition to Leaving and are just a little ahead of you in the Leaving process.  I suspect you will discover, slowly, that a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders, but you should also be prepared that things might get worse for you before they get better, though things will definitely improve over time.  Listen to your gut feelings and you'll be fine!  Lucky Jim

[iluminati]

Thanks Lucky Jim.  I, like many people who end up here, have contemplated actually leaving over the years.  However, I wanted to give her a fair effort, and I wanted to work on myself to make sure that I got my own act together before I pointed the finger on my wife.  The breaking point was an affair my stbxBPDw started a couple of months ago, and which is apparently going far enough along that she's going on a weekend trip with him.  I am willing to forgive and forget, but that crossed a line for me.  It was scary just sending out those papers, but I feel it was the best thing for myself and my family. 

It is sad though.  No one gets married to get divorced, and realizing that things aren't going to work out flat out sucks.  The amazing part is that stbxBPDw said, after I confronted her about the affair, that she wasn't going to do anything serious with the man because she's married.  I know that's her own issues behind that, but it is painful.

[imstronghere2]

Welcome iluminati

Seeing as we both chose Mr. Magoo, we might be close to the same age.  LOL  I was married for 19 years and with my exBPDw for 22.  Mine also had an affair creating the atomic blast that ended our marriage.  I'm 2 years out from when she left and soon 2 years from being divorced.  It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through but me, my daughter and my son now have peace.  Mine abandoned all of us and is now married to the SOB she was having her affair with.  I have stayed NC since the day of the divorce.  I have sole custody of our 13 year old son and our daughter is 19 and living on her own and also stays NC with her mother.  Our son visits with his mother about once a month for 30-40 minutes.  That's all she's capable of.   For us it wasn't about what was the right or wrong decision, she left us with the ONLY decision we could make.  I don't have a lot of time right now but I will try to add more later.  There are a lot of good people on this board.  You have come to the right place for support.  You are not alone. 

Good luck getting through this.  We're here for you.

imstronghere2

[iluminati]

With regard to Mr. Magoo, it's a reference to my alma mater.  Mr. Magoo and I graduated from the same university.   Also, when I originally started on here, I noticed that everyone had cartoon characters, so I did it to fit in with the rest of the bunch. 

Part of me hopes my wife does go on to marry the dude, even though she swears she doesn't want to.  Also, there's the fact my daughter is 3, and I want there to be as much of a relationship as possible.  We'll see what ultimately happens as time marches on though.

[Validation78]

Hi illuminati!

I remember you well from staying! Welcome, although I am sorry that as hard as you have worked, that things are not working out for you and your wife. Even though it probably is somewhat of a relief to make a decision to move forward, I know from my own experience that it is still hard! Take it one step at a time, and as we always impressed upon you on staying, take care of yourself along the way! We'll help you!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Lucky Jim]

Hello again, illuminati,

Agree, divorce is one of those things that you think will never happen to you, yet it happens all the time to plenty of people so you are in good company!  Sure, it sucks to realize that you've come to the end of the line in a marriage and it is hard, really hard, to face the prospect of divorce.  Yet I admire you for acknowledging that it is the best thing for you and your family.  If you keep that in mind, and continue doing the things that are right for you, I think it will work out for the best.  In the meantime, hang in there.  Lucky Jim