Ready to leave

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I cannot be with him any longer.  He's using narcotics again, not going to therapy, not paying his child support on time, etc.

I move 5 hours away in two weeks.  He can't follow me because he has no car.  He's pressuring me to move in also, but my parents will not help me pay for law school/the new place of he comes.  My dad is a pharmacist who knows him as a doctor-shopper from way back.

He's living with his mom and stashing his illegally obtained (street) methadone and oxycodone pills in her house.  He's manifesting his old OCD traits as well.  I want to tell his mom what is going on (she's normal and loves me).  I don't want to break it off face to face because the last time I did, he screamed obscenities, destroyed some of my property, etc

Advice?  Should I talk to his mom?  Should I just initiate no contact with him?

[katrushka]

I cannot be with him any longer.  He's using narcotics again, not going to therapy, not paying his child support on time, etc.

I move 5 hours away in two weeks.  He can't follow me because he has no car.  He's pressuring me to move in also, but my parents will not help me pay for law school/the new place of he comes.  My dad is a pharmacist who knows him as a doctor-shopper from way back.

He's living with his mom and stashing his illegally obtained (street) methadone and oxycodone pills in her house.  He's manifesting his old OCD traits as well.  I want to tell his mom what is going on (she's normal and loves me).  I don't want to break it off face to face because the last time I did, he screamed obscenities, destroyed some of my property, etc

Advice?  Should I talk to his mom?  Should I just initiate no contact with him?

[Surnia]

  katrushka

so sorry to hear the bad news from you bf. And good to hear you could come to a decision.

NC would probably the best, at least in the beginning. It could be also a protection for you. I personally have a lot of mistrust when narcotics are involved.

As for his mother: I would perhaps talk to her when she is initiating a conversation.

[katrushka]

I really appreciate the advice.  I'm a little scared of his reaction if I tell him I'm breaking it off.  He's reacted badly in the past to me trying to help him with things like his drug dependence, etc. 

He always says he wants to change (be healthy, finish college, get a license) but he has no follow-through and I'm very driven and ambitious.  He won't change and this won't work.

[Surnia]

I would feel scared too. 

What do you fear as a reaction from him?

Can you describe a bit what kind of reaction he had prior?

Sometimes it is really important to have plan, a strategy for leaving!

[katrushka]

Screaming.  Emotional manipulation and abuse.  Destroying my property, or his.  Trying to make me take his cat (technically my cat because I've looked after it for months and paid all its vet bills - please note I do have the cat now).  Threats of suicide or other self-harm.

I do have a plan, of sorts.  I live all the way across town from him, and he has no transportation.  He has few friends and the friends we did have in common have ignored him after witnessing his treatment of me.  I also move to another state in two weeks.

I do not plan to contact him or respond to his attempts to contact me.  He is blocked on Facebook (as are his aliases and his close family members).  I will block his number if needed.  And I have friends who are willing to stay at my house while I'm there in case he tries anything.

I don't want to see him or talk to him.  Just the thought of him makes me feel sick.

[Surnia]

I do not plan to contact him or respond to his attempts to contact me.  He is blocked on Facebook (as are his aliases and his close family members).  I will block his number if needed.  And I have friends who are willing to stay at my house while I'm there in case he tries anything.

Good you have friends - this can help a lot! 

Its okay to avoid the contact with him. Its also hard to deal with eventual suicide. It may help: You can not save him.

Keep going and keep us posted.