New to BPD

[JPC]

My sister (my only sibling) has recently been suspected of having BPD.  In the past she has had one psychotic break for which she was placed in an inpatient psychiatric facility.  In the past two months her marriage of almost seven years has fallen apart and is currently going through a divorce.  

On the day before her initial hearing to establish parental rights and monetary obligations she had another psychotic break.  :)ue to the unavailability of any inpatient psychiatric beds she was medicated, which seemed to help her out of her fugue, she was subsequently discharged into my parents care with a follow up visit with her psychiatrist.  Her husband filed for emergency custody of her children which was granted.  

The next day she became very hostile towards my parents.  My mother in-law (a licensed counselor and the first to suspect BPD) arrived at their house, as well as myself.  The police were called in the hopes that she could be convinced of the necessity of inpatient treatment.  She had called a friend (a major enabler) who arrived; after the police left she got into her friend’s car and left.  She texted to inform us that she is disengaging from out family (especially my mother and I she still considers my father as someone she can manipulate).  We know that she is engaging in risky behavior at this time but are not sure of the extent.  

My family and I are trying to figure out how to handle all of this.  At this point we are discussing what boundaries need to be set up to protect ourselves emotionally.  And are struggling through how she will be allowed to reengage with our family if that point ever comes.  

Basically, we are drowning in chaos we do not know what tomorrow might bring and what steps we need to be taking to help her heal.  Any advice is appreciated.    

[Phoenix.Rising]

  JPC,

I'm glad you found us!  Dealing with someone with BPD can be very distressing at times as you know.  I've had several people in my life who I strongly suspect have BPD.  I'm sorry your sister is having such a rough time.  That sounds difficult to experience. 

There is a LOT of helpful information on these boards and people who have been through what you are going through.  You are ahead of the game from a lot of people who come here by mentioning setting boundaries.  I think that's a great idea.  It might also help to learn more about BPD and how to communicate with someone who has the disorder.  Have you spoken to your sister recently?

Boundaries Tools of Respect

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

Phoenix.Rising

[JPC]

Thanks Phoenix.Rising,

This go around it has only been a week since we last talked.  She has episodes in the past (before we knew it was BPD) where she hasn't talked to family in months. 

As a family we are all learning about this as we go; getting a crash course in BPD.  We all just feel so lost now as to how we will interact with her and what part she may play in our lives now.  The therapist my parents just started working with was not optimistic at all about her getting better 1) from her psychotic state that she is currently in, and 2) getting and being compliant with treatment for BPD. 

Kind of feel like we are in morning the loss of her at this point; the loss of what she was before BPD took over. 

Thanks for the support.

[Phoenix.Rising]

JPC,  I've learned the hard way on more than one occasion that I cannot control others.  I can, however, take care of myself and do my best to be supportive without being codependent.  I can also try to set a positive example.

With BPD her moods can shift in a very short amount of time, so she may go from being distant to wanting to communicate.  It's hard to say.  You do have some power over how you interact with her. 

The Lessons to the right of these posts contain some good information on taking care of yourself and learning to communicate with your loved one.  A good communication technique is called S.E.T.  Have you tried it?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

Hang in there!