Is this cheating?

[Grey Kitty]

I'll second Skip's recommendation that you and your wife make life changes so that things suit both of you better. Being culturally isolated in another country, with her underemployed and you overworked is a recipe for problems... . BPD or not.

I'd also give her some credit for her own behavior here--she was being pursued and was not responding to the (most) inappropriate parts. She was trying to stay faithful.

It also sounds like you told her that it was really bothering you, and she respected your concerns. Another very good point for her.

Especially if she stays on the right side of this going forward.

I personally had a couple wretched years where my W wouldn't acknowledge that her behavior was cheating... . or that she should stop it!

Good luck! 

GK

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[Hydroman]

Sorry to hear you are in this perdicament.  My wife has BPD and did something similar to me.  She met a boy (18 yrs old) in the hospital.  when he got out, he met another woman (40 yrs old) for lunch then they had sex.   My wife and him started talking on the phone, facebooking, having coffee.   One morning, she had left her facebook open and I saw the conversation they were having-completely inappropriate.   My wife says they talk about meds, etc... .  What I saw had nothing to do with meds.   I told her given all our marriage had been through with BPD I was insecure about our relationship and asked her  to put on hold (in the past I trusted her completely).  She refused.  I brought up in marriage counseling.  I had to make an ultimatum.   

People with BPD are, due to the disease, prone to behaving inappropriate but we can make boundries and not let this ruin a marriage.   I agree with you and stop it before it gets out of hand and a full fledge affair.  The only one to get hurt is you.  Be Proactive!