Key differance between Borderline & Narcissist?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey All,

Trying to sort out a couple things... . can someone give me a couple key differances from a borderline and a narcissist?  My ex fits the queen 80% and witch 20% (when she had a bad day... . look out).  One of her friends told me early on, I have to have thick skin to date her... . so clearly they have seen what i saw.  Sad in that they told her repetitively, you have a good guy, don't screw this one up. 

My ex also talked a lot about ex bf's and she would always bring up the one ex she had, who she had no problem telling me all about his massive penis etc.  I now get that these were the times she was trying to instigate a fight... . so cold and calculating. 

[Blade99d]

Hey All,

Trying to sort out a couple things... . can someone give me a couple key differances from a borderline and a narcissist?  My ex fits the queen 80% and witch 20% (when she had a bad day... . look out).  One of her friends told me early on, I have to have thick skin to date her... . so clearly they have seen what i saw.  Sad in that they told her repetitively, you have a good guy, don't screw this one up. 

My ex also talked a lot about ex bf's and she would always bring up the one ex she had, who she had no problem telling me all about his massive penis etc.  I now get that these were the times she was trying to instigate a fight... . so cold and calculating. 

[Gaslit]

Search user 2010's post on the differences. She goes into this in several threads and clearly explains the differences.

[Clearmind]

All Borderlines are narcissistic but may not be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

My ex felt entitled much like a 3 year old. My BPD aunt once she unleashes her wrath has an air of grandiosity.

[Blade99d]

This is truly what I am struggling with clearmind... . I keep seeing my ex as both BPD and NPD.  I need to let go of whatever she is,but there is a part of me that needs to be right, wont let it go.  My T asked me in a recent session, is it better to be right, or be nice?  I' m sure he has picked up on my need to be right about things, hence the question... .

[clover528]

My ex undiagnosed NPD/BPD by all accounts, has t ohave the attention of every woman in the room. He believes he is beautiful and tells everyone who will listen about how he exudes sex appeal. Talks about his talent but is always fishing for compliments. Is obsessed with ideal love, but has no capacity to fulfill it. Uses anyone and everyone he is in contact with for his own gain. Has no sense of rules and will break them just to prove he can get away with it. These things are only the tip of the iceberg.

[Clearmind]

Feel it rather than think it. Its often our heads that rule our emotions - our mind usually create something we don't want. Bring those chattering heady thoughts down into your belly and sit with the feelings. Breathe deeply!

[Blade99d]

God I am so struggling with what was real and was was not with this relationship.  I see her car at the local bar where we met and it is both validating that she right back to her old tricks like a hooker,  but i wonder everyday did i ever really know this person?  Who knows... . i think what hurts me the most is she knew my young child and just bolted on both of us, do stable people do that?

[mcc503764]

God I am so struggling with what was real and was was not with this relationship.  I see her car at the local bar where we met and it is both validating that she right back to her old tricks like a hooker,  but i wonder everyday did i ever really know this person?  Who knows... . i think what hurts me the most is she knew my young child and just bolted on both of us, do stable people do that?

I am in the same boat as you... . but regardless of what she may or may not have been... . ask yourself this... . what did you learn from this situation?  Are you stronger because of it?  Sometimes the most important lessons that we learn are the most painful?

Ask yourself this... . are you still repeating the same patterns of behavior that got you involved with that trainwreck to begin with?

The "ace" will always be an "ace," and the "spade" will always be a "spade!"  Just like she will always be who she is and is destined to repeat the same history... .

We are the fortunate ones however... . we have the ability to reflect on this pain, process it, and use it as a lesson.  Ultimately we are the ones who benefit from it!

They will always be the same!  At least we have the opportunity to grow from this crap!

MCC

[Blade99d]

MCC,

Your insight is simple,yet very insightful.  Why would I expect her her to do anything different.  Like  a hooker, its all she knows.  I see it, but sadly she des not, hence i have been seeing a T for 12 weeks, and she is back to her old tricks like the $2 whore she is.

[bpdspell]

When I first came to BPD family I realized that my ex was certainly more than Borderline. Many borderlines are cormorbid with other personality disorders... . meaning their mental illnesses can be congruent. Our borderlines can be cormorbid with histrionic, narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid schizophrenic, avoidant, or antisocial (sociopath), and sadistic... .

I believe the Key difference between a borderline and a narcissist is that a borderline tends to be more impulsive and reckless with unstable moods and are more motivated by intense emotion than your typical emotionally shallow and heady narcissist. Borderlines also tend feel more or less empty on the inside and are prone to be more suicidal than narcissists.

My ex was low functioning... . and although narcissistic... . he was pure emotion and reacted impulsively and recklessly whenever his emotions were out of control. He tried to kill himself twice as a teenager.

The labels in the end don't matter. Both are terrible disorders to have and both have a low success rate of recovery.

Spell

[Moonie75]

They're not spelled the same.

Other than that I don't see any difference that's worth pondering. BOTH are toxic.

Like being shot in the head with a rifle or a revolver, both are gonna bring a hell of a lot of pain & suffering!

[Blade99d]

Moonie,

That is so so true... . my ex is somewhere between BPD & NPD, but, as I have not heard from her in 3 months now, it seems she may be more NPD, but either way, as you say, they both leave a trail of destruction.  The Splitting, Projection and Unstability were all present... .

I was so happy when I met her, as she was so much fun, so confident, so everything I wanted... . god I wish I had never met her. 

Everyone is brought into our lives for a reason.

[mcc503764]

Moonie,

That is so so true... . my ex is somewhere between BPD & NPD, but, as I have not heard from her in 3 months now, it seems she may be more NPD, but either way, as you say, they both leave a trail of destruction.  The Splitting, Projection and Unstability were all present... .

I was so happy when I met her, as she was so much fun, so confident, so everything I wanted... . god I wish I had never met her. 

Everyone is brought into our lives for a reason.

This is soo true!  It's impossible to see it when youre in the FOG, but once you get out of it and when you can see the reality of the situation, it begins making more sense as to why things happened the way that they did!

I guess that's the point to when you know that you have survived.  You have learned an important lesson in life!  Perhaps our own emotional immaturity got us into this situation?

I tell you what though, I will never seek validation from another person again in my life!  I will provide my own validation.  I will continuously work on my issues and ultimately end up a better person because of this experience!

MCC

[Clearmind]

Perhaps our own emotional immaturity got us into this situation?

I tell you what though, I will never seek validation from another person again in my life!  I will provide my own validation.  I will continuously work on my issues and ultimately end up a better person because of this experience!

MCC

Very nice post MCC. I'm interested to hear what your thoughts are about emotional immaturity in us... . I think that is a really valid point.