Treatment for myself, meds?

[Cloudy Days]

I have put off getting treatment for myself because I thought that I could deal with this stuff and we also can't really afford it. I'm very boneheaded and one of my biggest flaws is accepting that I need someone else to help me. Could be why I am still with my husband.

Anyways, I'm getting counseling next week and from my experience they usually want you to try a antidepressant or something else. I've been a strong believer that I don't need antidepressants because my depression is situational not chemical. If my husband would just act less crazy I could deal with things a little better. I have problems that were there before my husband came into the picture. One in particular is picking at my face which I have learned is an OCD type thing and it's gotten worse. So apparently I'm not as functional as I first thought. So my question is, are any of you taking medication specifically to deal with depression associated with dealing with your spouse. That just seems like a band aid rather than fessing up that this is a broken relationship that can't be fixed. Or is it to make me a emotionally well person so I can realize that I need to leave this relationship. I honestly can't put my finger on why I stay, I mean I love him dearly but I am miserable and honestly he seems miserable too. Has taking an antidepressant helped you at all? I'm particularly worried about the sex drive thing, that's the only thing that isn't messed up in my relationship so I don't want to mess it up. I would actually be on board for an anti anxiety med like Xanax however my husband would probably try to take them as well and that's not something I want.

[Katy-Did]

Hello Cloudy Days... .

Although I personally don't take medication, I believe if managed properly and coupled with therapy, you can derive benefit.  Perhaps when you meet with your therapist, you can ask for their opinion.  You might do some research online as to the pros/cons; benefits/side-effects.

I understand your concern regarding your husband interest in taking your medication.  I'm afraid my dBPDh would do something like that even though he's been under the care of a psychiatrist for a number of years.  However, let me encourage you NOT to neglect your own path to treatment because you're afraid of what your husband may... . or may not do.

I hope others will respond and offer suggestions. 

[Rose Tiger]

My therapist told me that my insurance is asking her why I'm not on meds, I've tried them all, SSRIs, benzos, etc.  I personally don't do well on them, they don't mix well with me.  I've gone the supplement route, fish oil, stress vita B, inositol, and vita D.  Also a glass of red wine when I get home from work. Hey, it's my med. 

Anyhoo, is your bottom line goal to get strong enough to leave the relationship?  Counselling is a great way to unravel your thoughts and feelings towards improving things.  Also a 12 step program like celebrate recovery is helpful in developing and healing your 'self'.

[Cloudy Days]

Anyhoo, is your bottom line goal to get strong enough to leave the relationship? 

No, my goal is to reduce my anxiety, stop picking my face, and just actually be happy for once if I can, that could include leaving if I have to, but I don't want to. I feel very depressed a lot of the time, heck I cried on my way to work this morning, and my husband has been great for the past 4 days. I just have too much on my mind. I am going to the therapist today, I was nervous about it, but now I just realize that I really need to talk to someone, anyone. I've kept everything in for too long and it's destroying me.

[Surnia]

 

I can relate with it. Keeping things in for far too long. Good you can recognize the danger in it.

So great that you are going to see a therapist today.

you are in my thoughts.

[WalrusGumboot]

CloudyDays,

Anti-depressants are over prescribed. I had my doctor pushing them on me. I didn't do it and changed doctors. The new one did a more complete evaluation and found me deficient in Vitamin D. I took D supplements, modified my diet, exercise regularly, and it made a big difference on my overall mood on a daily basis.

I am prone to anxiety issues on a chronic basis. When it gets bad, a daily regimen of Xanax for 3 or 4 days straight usually knocks it back to a manageable level for a while.

Of course we are all different so you can try experimenting what you respond to the best.

Good luck!

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm not a fan of pharmaceuticals, the side effects aren't worth it, but during my breakup and for the first few months I did everything wrong: lots of booze, cigarettes, no exercise, crappy food and too much of it.  That stuff does work in the short term, although 'work' really means avoid and smother.  So after I'd had my fun and the emotions waned, I got back to what I already knew: frequent exercise, cleaned-up diet, appropriate nutritional supplements, enough sleep, tolerable workload, playing piano, hiking to vistas and just chilling, doing the timeless things that always work.  And accepting that something doesn't always need to be 'fixed', that sometimes there are emotional stages that I need to go through, there's no way around or over, I need to go through, those things don't always happen in a day or a week, and wherever I am is where I'm supposed to be since I'm doing everything right.

[rosannadanna]

I personally have Major Depression that was diagnosed when I was in my twenties and I have taken antidepressant almost continuously since then.  Depression is highly genetic (both biologically and environmentally).  I believe many people deal with either low-grade depression and just figure that is how they are, or they are struck with situational depression and get through it without meds.  In these instances, a little med would help reduce symptoms, enhance quality of life, or get someone through a tough time, but is not necessary for functioning, so therefore optional for the individual. 

For me, I know if I stopped my med, I would slowly become more depressed/anxious, my functioning would be effected, and I would start to have suicidal thoughts.  I do all the self-care/supplements that other posters talked about, but I would still struggle.  I decided to struggle less on meds rather than struggle more on no meds.  That is my personal decision.

It sounds like you have situational depression, but I don't know your history.  Please get a thorough evaluation from your therapist and discuss your concerns with her.  She can make recommendations based on her impressions of the severity of your symptoms, your history, and your own personal feelings about meds.  She shouldn't push meds on you.  There are plenty of other things, like the other posters have mentioned that can reduce symptoms, especially for situational depression.

Talk therapy alone is a huge factor in reducing symptoms.  That may be enough for you.  But talk to her about your concerns.

Hope this helps.

[Cloudy Days]

I guess I need to try and figure out if it is situational or if I have always had problems. I'm a bit of a hermit, don't like to be around many people. I'm practically scared to talk to people, I can't hold a conversation at all with someone I don't know and it's really hard for me to talk to basically anyone, family included (although I don't have a problem talking to a therapist or online). I'm an introvert to the core and I have lots of anxiety that started before my husband was even a thought. I mean I started picking at my face in middle school. I actually peed my pants the first day of kindergarten because I was too afraid to ask to use the bathroom. In high school I spent most of my time alone in my bedroom drawing, painting, creating in general, and honestly I was happy doing that. I have attracted crappy people to me my entire life. My friends were never any good, and well, I'm on this board so you know my husband has problems. For the longest time I thought I was normal, I don't really know what normal is, I just know I function just fine in life, I'm just not happy at all and I don't think I have been for a long time. I do things because I have to, not because I want to.

[rosannadanna]

Social anxiety is typically rooted in depression, IMO.  Anxiety is just fear.  Social anxiety is fear of people.  I have similar issues.  I have very good social skills and I am fairly confident when interacting with people, but I am tired afterwards.  I am also scared of people.  I am scared I will not be accepted as part of the group, as in, the human race.  It's core stuff and I am doing the hard, crappy, but rewarding work of looking at it, feeling it, and trying to reverse my imbedded belief system that supports my fear and depression. 

Much like childhood trauma "runs in the background" in adulthood, affecting thoughts, feeligs, and behaviors, I believe depression is like that for some.  I think some people have been depressed since childhood, thus developing a "depressive personality".  I struggle with a belief system that I got from my parents combined with my life experiences.  I think one's personality is set somewhere in early elementary school (not sure on this) and that is based on parents' belief system/experiences up to that point.  After that, it kind of becomes a chicken and egg issue.  As in, am I drawn to situations that will confirm my depressive belief system or am I seeing these situations through a depressive lens and therefore do people seem let me down and situations hopeless?  It's kind of a mind-scrambler.

Please talk to your therapist about your pervasive unhappiness.  That is the one place you should get validation and be able to be vulnerable.

Does she do CBT?  That is really the best therapy to start to undo automatic negative thoughts that lead to depressed feelings.

[Surnia]

Hi CD

In high school I spent most of my time alone in my bedroom drawing, painting, creating in general, and honestly I was happy doing that. I have attracted crappy people to me my entire life.

Same for me, a introvert too. And the unhealthy marriage I was in, made my issues horrible! I was depressed and cocksure I have Social anxiety. Working with a T is so helpful to sort it out, what is on top, what is due to the situation, what is underlying... .

BTW, do you know the work of Brené Brown? Her work was and is very inspiring and encouraging to deal with my social issues.

[Rose Tiger]

Same here, very schizoid, very shy.  My dad is NPD and when I was born, my twin sisters were 4 years older.  When I started walking, they made fun of me.  When I started learning how to talk, they made fun of me.  In a narcissistic family, you feel better when you feel superior to another family member.  I was easy pickings.  It molded me to be extremely introverted because anything I did was ridiculed or criticized. 

Along with therapy, I joined a small bible study group with calvary chapel church, also started attending celebrate recovery meetings.  Learning how to be comfortable in groups was huge for me and the groups I picked were very safe places.  Learning how to express an opinion with no backlash of how 'stupid' I am.  They were very loving and healing experiences.  Sure, sometimes I totally stuck my foot in my mouth but it was ok.  The earth didn't stop revolving. 

[Cloudy Days]

Wow Rose Tiger, what a hostile environment to grow up in, I can imagine that would make someone very introverted. I think I was already shy in nature and the more I played with the neighborhood brats the more I just kept to myself. Some children are just outright evil these days.

Therapy went well, It's amazing to me how easy it was to open up to a complete stranger. I told her I think it was because I wasn't trying to get her to like me so I didn't have to think so much about what I wanted to say. She suggested that I be social, join a club or go to church. Both things scare the living daylights out of me. She actually pointed out that I use my husband as an excuse not to do things. It's very true, I think it's a combination of fear of his reactions to things and fear of people for me so I rather just stay home. Groups are frightening to me, it's going to take me awhile, but at least I have started on the right path for once. 

[ObiRedKenobi]

I'm a big fan of physical exercise. Studies have shown that the endorphins released from exercise are as effective or better than pharmaceutical remedies. The effect is also more immediate.

That said I know its not always as easy as that. My ex put on a bit of weight during our relationship and any time I tried to do something physical she would berate me for making her look bad.

[Cloudy Days]

I would like to exercise more, I feel so exhausted most of the time I can't even get up the energy to clean most of the time. I also have a hard time finding time with my husband. He actually tells me to exercise but the way I would like to do it is to walk in our neighborhood or somewhere else in nature. That doesn't go over well with him. He won't walk or run with me but he doesn't want me to go myself. So I am stuck with a stationary bike that I just can't get the motivation to do.

[Rose Tiger]

Would he be ok with you getting a dog to take on walks?

[Cloudy Days]

We already have two dogs, they are pretty small. We occasionally take them to the dog park together for walks. He doesn't like the neighborhood we live in, that's the reason he doesn't want me to walk myself.