Angry doesnt cover it - how to react

[gallerykey]

Still struggling with the breakdown, as im sure will be for quite some time.

We both have and use whatsapp, for those who dont know it, its an instant messaging service. He earlier updated his status to "excited, glitter party!" then about 2 hours later updated his first profile pic on there, we was wearing the shirt he wore the first time we met. Is it done to get a reaction? Or is it simply hes moved on and dressing up to impress whoever is at the party?

Im already hurting more than i can cope with and this has just thrown me big time.

Cant see i will ever get over this. The only part i hold onto is he will never really hold down a relationship and its not really ME its just he cant do it.

Needing tlc before i break

[Hazelrah]

First of all, you will get over this.  We all will.  This morning, before dawn, I experienced what was as close to a panic attack as I think I will ever get.  But there are occasional moments of feeling human again, now 5-6 weeks into separation.  Those moments will come with more frequency in situations like this.

Secondly, is there a way to avoid being bombarded with this sort of e-info?  I highly discourage seeking these things out of your own free will, keeping tabs, etc.  When W left, I de-friended her from FB immediately... . I'm not even on FB very often, but I didn't want to get hit with the occasional update via my e-mail, etc.

[bpdspell]

Hey imj72,

Breaking free from these trauma bonds and accepting that we are in love with mentally ill people is not easy; especially when the breakup is pretty fresh and new. Now that you are apart from your borderline is your goal detachment? Or are you hoping to be reunited?

I ask this because what causes us the most pain sometimes is not letting go... . which I know is easier said than done. It will take time before our hearts and mind align with the reality of their sick minds.

If your goal is detachment is there a way that you can disengage from knowing what he's doing on whatsapp? Knowing what they are doing on social media often hurts us because we end up creating a narrative about their happiness that isn't necessarily true. Only God knows why he's wearing the T-shirt you bought him. You are not a mind reader and neither are we... . the only thing you have the power to do is to cut off all means of access to him. You've got to shift the focus of healing on you.

Many of us stare at our cell phones, yearn for that text, or that blocked call because we still want to believe that our living nightmares will in some way come to their senses. I knew in the beginning I was praying for my uBPDexbf to get an ephipany and become the man I needed.  I wanted my ex to miss me to the point of crawling back on his knees so that I could be validated. I wasn't detaching. I was clinging on to a sliver of a sign that my world wasn't continuing to crumble. All I could feel was how much I was losing when in reality I was gaining myself back.

But in reality a mentally ill person cannot validate you. They can only offer you who they are at their core and they're core isn't healthy.

Spell

[cska]

Imj, hey! I'm so sorry you're in so much pain  Let me tell you from experience, it does get better. When my ex would leave me and post stuff on social networking sites about how nice it is to be single, I was so broken, I swear i thought I would never feel better. I felt like all the color was drained from the world and I was never going to be happy. I just wanted to die. But I promise you, you will get better.

Also, if you can, try to cut off ways for you to see him on social media. Can you deactivate "watsupp", or black him? I realized I was putting myself through so much extra pain by looking at my ex's facebook and twitter, and I stopped checking her profiles. That was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. It saved me so much pain...

Hang in there   I'll get better, I promise!

[gallerykey]

My mind says detachment but my heart says i still live him and want him so not sure where I am but its all really irrelevant i suppose when hes already decided its over.

He knew how much i liked him in that shirt so feel it was prob a mind game as he has many others he would of worn. I cant let go yet thats the problem, not sure if just not ready or a couple more nasty pushes and i will be done?

He tried calling around midnight and the only way vodafone will block his number is if when he calls i answer but hang up straight away then ring and report it, the third time they will block. So i answered it and in the 2 or 3 seconds it took to hang up i could hear music but it was more like a home speaker than a party and def no other peoples voices so again was it a game or me hanging onto that tiny part of hope left? I do have something I want to throw out there for peoples thoughts on so will be doing a new post on that.

Feeling a little calmer today, thanks for replies, taking me longer than i thought... .

[DepressIsolatedMeg]

Hey imj72! I know you are in so much pain right now - I believe everyone of us here had felt the same way or worse - but please have faith that ONE DAY you will GET OVER HIM. I didn't believe it when I got out of the relationship 8 months ago - or two months ago when I found out he invited some other chick to move in to the 'home' I built with him, after he told me he still want a family with me and such, now I am just laughing at him like "Wow... . I am glad I left you."

But oh well, it's all gone now - the point is - we don't need them! I know it takes time - it took me a while and I used to cry every day when I woke up and before I went to bed - it was tough. Couldn't talk to anyone anymore because the story was getting old. But you just need to believe that one day, you will just wake up magically - without the sadness and tears - and you will start to feel motivate to do the things you once enjoy to do... . and such. I don't know. But I know, once you can find yourself again, that will be the best thing ever - please have faith in yourself. It will happen. Please look forward to that day - because that day will come,  just be patient!