Revenge is childish, so I'm going after a reward

[Moonie75]

After being told she withdraws & leaves because she doesn't feel she can lean on me, I bent every which way to resolve this once & for all. I'm 6 months in to setting my own business up & working 3 nights a week elsewhere to subsidize my income while new business gets on its feet. She made some valid points about how busy & often distracted I am so I figured there was creedence in what she was saying.

So I dipped into the business coffers a little deeper & booked us a weekend away at a music festival. Attending festivals are no cheap experience in England & it was an expensive three days. She contributed, but in the main I paid to say 'thanks for putting up with the current situation' yadda yadda yadda.

We had a great weekend & came home all the better for it. (that's the nice bit).

Fast forward 3 days & she's having an evening meal at her place with her sister & sisters partner. I'm arriving at the night job just 5 minutes drive from her house. I arrive, only to be told I'm being suspended pending an investigation into an event which took place on my last shift!

I'm promptly escorted from the premises by security and even chaperoned across the car park right upto the car.

I work hard all day at my business premise & do the night job because I NEED IT at the moment.

She knows & understands why I need the second job... I see this suspension as a big deal & duly make my way to her gaff five minutes away to tell her what's happened. She, and dinner company listen while I tell the story including how belittling & embarrassing it was to be escorted off premises.

She laughed & seemed to find amusement in it.

ME "It's not funny, i need that job at the moment"

HER  "I'm laughing at you being escorted off the premises"

ME "I'm not laughing"

HER  "Well if you don't like it why did you come here to tell me, why don't you go home?"

ME  "Thanks that's very supportive"

HER "Well I haven't been suspended from my job"

ME  " That sounds very 'I'm alright Jack'"

HER  "I'm always alright Jack"

Stunned I left without saying any more.

Then get text next day saying... .

"We have had some amazing times & I'll cherish them forever. It's been fun! You have been the 'best' of a lot of things for me. If we could live on a desert island forever with no worries, we'd be fine. But it's not realistic with regards to working weekends, kids, ex's, money, family & friends, it just doesn't work. If we are meant to be, we will be. Now isn't that time I truly believe that. I will miss you. X"

I was furious and childishly replied with "If I've been the 'best' of a lot of things, you'll miss me more than you think. Enjoy the new guy you must have found Lou"

Her reply "Thanks I will"

I know she'll turn up again sooner or later for some kind of 'check in' & will claim there's been nobody in the interim! (despite her odd reply if you've not got next guy ready).

No contact since & that was almost two weeks ago. I've marked the 3 month date on the calender & when NC makes it to that date I'm going to treat myself with something for ME, that really floats MY boat & makes ME feel happy with MY new acquisition. I'm heading into a big test because she's hurt me so much & I've so much I want to say but can't if I'm NC. So a big test deserves a big reward when I get there.

Totally selfish & self absorbed... . But for the first time, it's me & I'm quite happy with that folks!

[Surnia]

Hi Moonie

Good plan with the reward for 3 month NC!

I can relate with your feelings about being selfish and enjoying it. Perhaps it is not selfish, sounds like just taking good care for yourself! For many of us a "unknown country".

[Validation78]

Hi Moonie!

There's no point in revenge! pwBPD live in a nightmare world that we can barely conceive of, and no revenge will top that!

We're better off thinking of ourselves, and how we can take charge of our well being, including rewards for our small (and large) triumphs! Chocolate is a great reward for me!

Stay strong, get healthy, and pat yourself on the back for having a plan to heal!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Moonie75]

Thank you for the support. I've been recycled more times than a cardboard milk carton, I couldn't even count em. She's used tactics so smart to hook me back, only here could it be believed. I bet not many could admit to this level of stupidity, last summer she dumped me for new flash car/big house guy. I was done forever, never taken that cr@p from anyone. They went belly up & she successfully despite my stance hooked me back. NOW REPEAT THAT THREE TIMES (yes, three times), WITH THE SAME GUY, TILL HE RAN FOR THE HILLS!

When it comes to recycling skills war craft, she's got Hitlers Enigma machine, and I've got a playschool crayon!

I love what I had in the beginning, I love what I'm promised, I love the make up sex. I DON'T love the reality of it all.

If my relationship's a war, & the recycles are battles fought, I've been at war for almost four years & never won a single battle! Time for my Army to retreat & take their crayon back to home shores, put it away & vow never to go into battle again. Hopefully the enemy will realize the WAR IS OVER & peace will fill my land?

[Validation78]

Hey Moonie!

Not that you don't already know this, however, for the record... . The only way this "enemy" will know that the war is over is if you stick to your guns, and don't give in, at all, not one inch.

pwBPD are boundary busters, and intermittent rewards like an hello text, a birthday card, a smile, means to them, door's open, go in.

Now's the time to focus on your healing journey. Forgive yourself for the turns of the past. Decide, plan and act in peace!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Zack]

Moonie

Your story sounds so familiar to me... . I've been recycled so many times to... . I've just posted a thread concerning that funnily enough.

Keep looking after number 1. A fellow Brit.

Zack

[Clearmind]

I've been recycled more times than a cardboard milk carton, I couldn't even count em.

It takes two to recycle!

She's used tactics so smart to hook me back, only here could it be believed. I bet not many could admit to this level of stupidity, last summer she dumped me for new flash car/big house guy.

She used tactics - maybe! Did they work - Yes! Why did they work on you? Reminding yourself at this point in time that you my friend have the power to say No and you didn't.

Find your reason for going back to more of the same - move out of victim mode that she did this to you... . victim mode makes us hurt more and does very little to find our role in the relationship - like - why you stayed despite the tactics. We claim victim status because we know deep down we were played and we stayed. We feel jilted - and we cast blame rather than be accountable for our decisions.

NOW REPEAT THAT THREE TIMES (yes, three times), WITH THE SAME GUY, TILL HE RAN FOR THE HILLS!

Could repeat it once and see the actions don't match - that she is incapable of providing you what you want. And that if a person is capable of doing it once they will do it to again in due course. Learn from the mistakes. Chalk it up to another   you may have missed because you may have simply wanted it to work.

When it comes to recycling skills war craft, she's got Hitlers Enigma machine, and I've got a playschool crayon!

And you got something from it too Find what you were seeking from these recycles. Takes two to tango.