Very Long Day

[hanginon]

Well... . just a recap of my situation. My BPDw and I have been separated for almost 3 months after she assaulted me. However she has kept me in constant turmoil because I have allowed it... . trying to "not" be mean to her. Last Wed I let her and her aunt and a cousin shame me into allowing her to come for a visit. I finally caved in but did make her promise to a number of things as conditions of her coming.  She came, we had a good week, morning of day 7 she got on a kick about my phone and that she feels she has to go through my phone to see what I have been doing. Up till a few days ago she had free reign of our on line phone account till she blocked my 21 yr old daughter because she didn't like us texting so much.  She no longer has access to that account.  Her feeling the burning need to creep my phone was a condition of her coming. Leave my phone alone... . also one of them... was if I asked her to leave, she needed to leave. Well, this morning she got it in her head that she had to see my phone, I told her no and eventually she grabbed it and I initially grappled with her for it but thought... . holy cow! this is insane!  I asked her to leave, she told me she didn't have to leave and had just as much right to be here as I did.

She started talking about calling the police and telling them that I had roughed her up. (when I hadn't) and it got me to thinking... .   Well, our real home is states away and I came here to keep from going under financially so I didn't have anywhere to go... . No family or friends really. So I went and took out a court protection order in regards to her assault on me three months ago and our issues today and got a judge to ok it. I basically told him I didn't feel safe and had no where else to go. She doesn't/can't work and is free to go to our home.  A Sherriff's deputy came and made her leave.  I felt like crap for having to do it but felt I had no alternative, self preservation I suppose would sum it up. I know she is crushed emotionally but I really did feel like I couldn't trust what she may or may not do in the dark of night... . (I have to sleep)  It isn't good to be with someone you are afraid of or afraid of what they could do.

Today was either the best or worst thing I have do so far.

Something she said after the fact that still has me confused is that she said she had already looked at my phone a few days ago during the night.  She can never sleep but a few hours, and she didn't find anything but since I didn't want her to see it, I must have something to hide. (I didn't) I was simply trying to keep her from running over me.

She has been gone for about two hours now and I just came home, I figured she would have torn the place up before she left but the law enforcement officer may have prevented that type of thing from happening. I wasn't here when they came.

I hope this eventually gets better,

Hanginon

[ObiRedKenobi]

Man I feel for ya. I've gone through something similar. My ex assaulted me, it was a night I'll remember forever or that it wasn't the first time. She blames me for everything but I will not let her get to me.

I'm sure that probably wasn't fun to do but it was the safest way to go about things. And it does get better.

[hanginon]

ORK,

Well... . my w has changed some since our altercation three months ago but she has made all sorts of claims that God healed her and that the whole problem is that I will not give her a chance. Yesterday she told me that I had a demon inside me and was an ungodly human being to treat her so horribly. All I did was avoid direct communication but she sees this as her world falling apart.

Well... . she came about a month ago to stay a week and made it four days and had to fly home early because I would not agree to what she wanted me to agree to. She has to have her way all the time or she can't cope with it and will basically be an emotional terrorist till I relent and give in to her. I will also add that the question that I didn't answer correctly and would not change my response to was a hypothetical question. Not reality. Anyway she had gone on a vacation with her two daughters (23&17), aunt and a few cousins.  If I was upset over arguing and would not communicate with her she would fall apart emotionally, she did this several times the week she was on vacation.  She does what she can to make me look bad in front of her family so then they are mad at me because of all the terrible things I do to her. In her opinion if I were to tell her I needed a communication break and just didn't want to talk to her for a day... . she would literally go off the deep end. She did the same thing yesterday. In nine hours yesterday she called me 50 times I didn't count the texts and left about 25 voice mails exhibiting a progression from nice, to cocky and demanding to falling apart, to incoherent. I had answered once or twice but when the conversation got abusive I hung up. She was concerned if I was ok so I text her that I was ok.  It is so gut wrenching. I am sure the Deputy that came and made her leave thought I was some sort of horrible person because I am sure she was all sweet and pitiful to him.

There is no easy way for me it seems, she is low functioning and she knows without me she doesn't have much.  She has also said she would not give up on "us" because she took her wedding vows seriously. I'm the problem because I am not right with God.  She has made all sorts of threats that if I divorce her she will take me for everything I have... . well I don't have much.  Mostly debt that she helped me accumulate. I have been pretty reluctant to pursue divorce because I wanted her to have access to treatment and counseling but I think the longer this goes on the more toxic and unpredictable it becomes. (she becomes)

The thing that is so terrible to me is that I really, really do love this woman. 

Hanginon

[ObiRedKenobi]

I can relate to just about every word you said. Because I've been through it. She has told me I didn't give her a chance. That the night that it happened changed everything but she gets upset and rips me up one side and down the other and all that does is tell me I made the right decision. She hasn't really changed. My ex did some of the things it sounds like your's has or similar. I'm not right with God, or I'm not a good christian man. Fortunately I wasn't married to mine but somehow she still ended up with just about everything.

She's probably never going to respect me again. Her family thinks I'm "Mildly retarded". But they didn't live through what I lived through. They just seem to think constant arguing and bickering is every day life. It sucks because I really do love that woman but I have to ignore the criticizm and do whats right for me. Which in this case also happens to be the only way to make sure I get to continue to live or not be incarserated.