Forget 'do they miss us?' what about other stuff?

[Moonie75]

I don't want to even touch on do they miss us, do they love us etc etc.

My ex was/is very nostalgic about 80's films from her childhood, more so with music, and very nostalgic about places! So much so that she really did seem to develop the same sentimentality & affection that us non's would. My ex was undoubtedly the most nostalgic girlfriend I've ever had & would always be asking if I remembered this or that from tv or whatever when we were children. She use to love us walking through the fields where her & her friends played in school holidays as children. The list could go on & on about how much affection got attributed to places & memories and she positively loved to talk about it. I'd say it illuminated her day!

Not bad for someone who can't understand feelings eh?

[cska]

They can understand feelings, they're not sociopaths. Its just that they have a frantic fear of abandonment and can't regulate their emotions.

They do understand feelings, as a matter of fact the emotions that they feel are enhanced and elevated, so they throw them off balance because they can't regulate them.

[cska]

I guess nostalgia is an emotion that doesn't throw them off balance b/c the places to which she has an attachment will never go anywhere, so there is no fear of loss involved. But when they are with a significant other, they're always paranoid that he or she will abandon them.

[Moonie75]

Maybe you're right.

But, IMO anybody who thinks more of a local corn field or Milk Tray advert than they think of me, is a bell end!

[cska]

Oh yes, absolutely! I guess I have a somewhat similar experience. Mt ex used to volunteer at a hospital once a week, and she would play with kids at the hospital and entertain them. SHe was really enthusiastic about it, and that's awesome, I Loved her for it! But she was so nice to the children once a week, but then she hurt me like I was a nobody...

[cska]

It always made me so sad. She would help the children once a week, but then she would hurt me so bad. And I did all i could to try to make her happy...   :'(

I know its mental illness, they can't help it, but it hurts like hell

[Clearmind]

how much affection got attributed to places & memories and she positively loved to talk about it. I'd say it illuminated her day!

Not bad for someone who can't understand feelings eh?

Borderlines do have feelings and emotions - they are more intense.

Who wouldn't wish to remind themselves about good things that happened in their life when much of it is steeped in pain and internal hurt!

[Moonie75]

My cousin is one of the worlds most in demand wildlife photographers & cameraman. He took me to a talk in London once given by Sir David Attenborough. When Attenborough was asked what the most dangerous animal on earth was, he paused for quite some time, and then replied "People"!

I've never forgotten that moment. You could almost hear everybody's brains in the hall recounting their most hurt filled experiences!

[Learning_curve74]

how much affection got attributed to places & memories and she positively loved to talk about it. I'd say it illuminated her day!

Not bad for someone who can't understand feelings eh?

Borderlines do have feelings and emotions - they are more intense.

Who wouldn't wish to remind themselves about good things that happened in their life when much of it is steeped in pain and internal hurt!

That is a good reminder. My expwBPD talked a lot about the past, almost never about the future except when she was asking me to never leave her.    She almost always only talked about the good nostalgic parts of the past except when she needed to elicit my sympathy and that's when the bad stuff came out. She also kept a bunch of old stuff as mementos and loved old pictures. I think her past was one of the few things that gave her some small sense of identity which she desperately needed.

[Moonie75]

On the other side of the coin... . Our first 'lovers tiff' was nothing alarming & miles away from any  stuff. It was at Frankley motorway services on the M5. She would NEVER EVER stop there again after that! No matter how desperate for fuel or toilet stop or what ever, that place was not an option to her!

I often thought that kind of odd & think now maybe revisiting that services filled her with fear after our first spat taking place there?

Just a thought.