more questions

[qwaszx]

does anyone ever have convo's with your person with BPD about the relationship or relationship problems they have had with another person but it seems like they are trying to indirectly talking/or trying to talk about there relationship proplem they have with you? and it really has nothing to do with that person from 15years ago that they are seemingly talking about?

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[waverider]

I have not had that, but I have had a lot of tales about issues in previous RS. Generally I dont take much notice of past stories as they are most likely distorted anyway.

If you you are feeling she is doing this then I think it is best to flat out ask... ":)o you see this as a problem that applies to us?". Dont try to mind read or you will make assumptions and get it wrong, then it will be your fault.

[Sadsue]

Not as such but when we first met, his most recent ex was a 'freak' in his words, the way he talked about her I built up a picture of this awful awful woman, then I met her and she was lovely.  Another ex had 'serious issues' according to him.  Never met her but I doubt very much the problems in their relationship were all her!

Now guess what, now I am a freak with serious issues!  Never before have I experienced this, my past relationships have ended amicably.

I should have seen this as a serious red flag and I dread to think how he will explain me to his next SO should we ever split and to be honest I think we are getting near a split!

I do wonder if some of his 'problems' with me are nothing to do with me at all but shadows from his past.  Who knows !

[ladygabsalot]

I have the opposite problem with my dBPDbf.

He is always asking me questions about my past relationship, I answer cautiously, but honestly with minimum details, however one of the words I use will be focused on and then a downward spiral of his own past relationship that how he acted (its completely different) and how that is obviously how I think about him now and how the r/s is doomed blah blah blah.

actually there have been instances where he has projected his old relationship onto me, however this was earlier on in the relationship and I was taking things very literally, rather than being much more knowledgable about BPD. But I remember one morning we were meant to wake up early to go exercising. Cue the next morning I did not feel very well so advised him to go on without me as I believed resting was better for me at that stage then getting up and running etc, which he did. However, about 10am that day I received a very dysregulated phone call telling me he was worried about my health, and checking to see how much water I had drunk that day and that he was actually extremely angry that I did not get up to exercise and how I was not looking after myself so how could he be expected to etc etc. At the end of the conversation it all came down to how in his past r/s his partner wouldnt ride the bike that he bought as a present... . that conversation went on for over an hour.