how do you cope with the 'golden child'?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

Okay, while my mother is back in hospital with pneumonia and causing me a fair bit of angst, my a-hole brother has sent me a nasty nasty email threatening to get me to pay for her carers because it has cost him so much. This is a man who earns about $600,000 a year (seriously), and I have a very small business and pay myself a tiny amount. The reason we put carers in place was so it would give us peace of mind. I pay for her other bills, he pays for care. But because he thought I was telling him what to do (regarding my mother going into another hospital), he has sent me this vitriolic email and threat. It's screwed up my whole day (yes, I know I let him get to me, but it is sometimes hard to  not). Plus I had to go visit my mother in hospital (it's because I can't go during the week due to a massive workload), and had to put on a front (whereas I really felt like telling her that her golden child is the biggest a-hole in the world!).

I've made a concerted effort to shut him off from my life, but things like this just highlight was a prick he has been for too many years - and also how he has gotten away with so much, but our mother still thinks he's "perfect". I truly and absolutely hate him, not just because of our mother, but because of how he has treated me. I cannot wait for the day for my mother to pass away so I now longer have to put up with her abuse and his.

How do others put up with nasty golden child / siblings?

[Lisallew]

Hi all,

Okay, while my mother is back in hospital with pneumonia and causing me a fair bit of angst, my a-hole brother has sent me a nasty nasty email threatening to get me to pay for her carers because it has cost him so much. This is a man who earns about $600,000 a year (seriously), and I have a very small business and pay myself a tiny amount. The reason we put carers in place was so it would give us peace of mind. I pay for her other bills, he pays for care. But because he thought I was telling him what to do (regarding my mother going into another hospital), he has sent me this vitriolic email and threat. It's screwed up my whole day (yes, I know I let him get to me, but it is sometimes hard to  not). Plus I had to go visit my mother in hospital (it's because I can't go during the week due to a massive workload), and had to put on a front (whereas I really felt like telling her that her golden child is the biggest a-hole in the world!).

I've made a concerted effort to shut him off from my life, but things like this just highlight was a prick he has been for too many years - and also how he has gotten away with so much, but our mother still thinks he's "perfect". I truly and absolutely hate him, not just because of our mother, but because of how he has treated me. I cannot wait for the day for my mother to pass away so I now longer have to put up with her abuse and his.

How do others put up with nasty golden child / siblings?

[Blonde Mermaid]

Hi Lisa, is your brother younger or older than you? do you guys have more siblings?

I don't personally relate to your story because my brother is a wonderful guy, but i have observed that some of my friends do have a "golden boy, girl" sibling that makes their lives unbearable.

One of the reasons, his threats work is because he probably has scared you in the past and always gets his way.  :)id you ever talk to your mother about this kind of abuse, I mean, before she got ill?

Who do you think is the BPD of both of them, your mother or him?

I suggest you finding legal advice on this.  Maybe if he sees you have hired a lawyer he will respect your decisions?  A lawyer friend maybe, that is willing to support you on this for a cheap price?

He needs to see there are more team players on your side.  

How do defenseless kids beat bullies at school sometimes?

One fine day, when they are tired of so much abuse, they gang up against the bully and beat the hell out of him... .  

Best of luck!

[isshebpd]

My "golden child" baby brother is a full blown narcissist. Although I don't know if he's been formally diagnosed, I believe he has all nine traits required for NPD. That's nine out of nine 

My sister and I did chores growing up. One would wash dishes while the other dried. I mowed the lawn, that was my job. My uNPDbro, the youngest, never did stuff like that. He is above menial chores.

So I don't expect he will ever chip in for his fair share and will always be burden on the family in one way or another. I can tell he's jealous of our sister's children. Eventually, they will reach a higher level of maturity than him (they are currently 3 and 5).

He's been driving our Dad crazy, interfering with the family business (all FOO are shareholders), and triggering uBPDmom into rages. He's supposed to be learning from Dad (like an apprentice) but evades work all the time and struggles for power. I bought Dad a copy of the book ":)isarming the Narcissist" by Wendy T. Behary. Its my consciously passive-aggressive way to keep my "golden child" uNPDbro under control. Dad is reading the book and is getting it... . which means he must also understand he screwed up raising uNPDbro.

I'm not hiding my feeling about my uNPDbro to anyone. He is actually quite the failure at life and lots of people dislike him already. He is making a fool out of himself, and I'm making sure to weaken his position and humble him. :P