Twin Sister with BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

Thanks for providing this forum. I am a 47-year old woman with an identical twin sister with BPD. It started approx. 5 years ago, when I was noticing that she was particularly mean to me, starting fights and not taking responsibility, and then trying to make up with the proverbial flowers and candy. I couldn't understand why she was so mad at me all the time. I decided to turn to Google to find out. My initial search was for "abusive twin" which turned on the light for me, and led me to others' experiences with family members and partners similar to mine. Since then, I've read 10 books, spoken with 4 therapists (many of whom are friends), and completed a 15-hour course on DBT. I cannot believe how textbook by sister's symptoms are.

I stopped speaking with her about 2-1/2 years ago, started again a few months ago but then stopped after a few months as she started again. I have lost the rest of my family over this (except for my brother, which I had since found out had researched BPD to figure out his troubled daughter's behavior), because they think I'm "to sensitive" and had never witnessed this behavior from her. I am her only target.

At this point, I have made the decision to quit my job, leave my town (where she and other family live), and travel the world for a year or more. Its one of two choices, and the smartest one at this time. I miss my sister -- who she used to be, I miss who I was with her in my life, and I miss the support of my family. I never saw this coming... .

I'm looking forward to connecting with others who are unfortunately experiencing what I am.

Best, "HalfaTwin"

[halfatwin]

Hello,

Thanks for providing this forum. I am a 47-year old woman with an identical twin sister with BPD. It started approx. 5 years ago, when I was noticing that she was particularly mean to me, starting fights and not taking responsibility, and then trying to make up with the proverbial flowers and candy. I couldn't understand why she was so mad at me all the time. I decided to turn to Google to find out. My initial search was for "abusive twin" which turned on the light for me, and led me to others' experiences with family members and partners similar to mine. Since then, I've read 10 books, spoken with 4 therapists (many of whom are friends), and completed a 15-hour course on DBT. I cannot believe how textbook by sister's symptoms are.

I stopped speaking with her about 2-1/2 years ago, started again a few months ago but then stopped after a few months as she started again. I have lost the rest of my family over this (except for my brother, which I had since found out had researched BPD to figure out his troubled daughter's behavior), because they think I'm "to sensitive" and had never witnessed this behavior from her. I am her only target.

At this point, I have made the decision to quit my job, leave my town (where she and other family live), and travel the world for a year or more. Its one of two choices, and the smartest one at this time. I miss my sister -- who she used to be, I miss who I was with her in my life, and I miss the support of my family. I never saw this coming... .

I'm looking forward to connecting with others who are unfortunately experiencing what I am.

Best, "HalfaTwin"

[Suzn]

Hello halfatwin   

I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this with your sister.    This is very painful for you, it shows in your words. It seems you have done a good job educating yourself on this disorder, well done! It's not at all unusual for friends and family not to understand when we are the only ones seeing the behaviors. We get it.

Its one of two choices, and the smartest one at this time. I miss my sister -- who she used to be, I miss who I was with her in my life, and I miss the support of my family. I never saw this coming... .

What is the second choice?

Have you considered a therapist for support with what you've been up against? How are you coping? You are equally important.

[beatup]

Dear Halfatwin,

I understand what you have been through with your sister. I have an uBPD sis and I miss who she used to be. It is so hard to accept that she seems to hate me and probably always has. I do have support from my brother who has vlc(very little contact) with her. we both feel sad for her... . she has pushed everyone out of her life.

  She & I haven't spoken for about 5 yrs except for a few times that turned out badly. She tried sending gifts a couple times but I didn't respond. I have stuck with this group here to help me through... . and a therapist for awhile too.

  Welcome,

Take care

[SeekerOfPeace]

I was drawn to this site and your topic because I am currently experiencing this exact situation.  I could have written your post. 

My twin sister moved back home 9 years ago and so much of her disorder became clearly visible however I became her confidant and emotional vomit bag so I am the person to whom her unstoppable punishment is now directed toward since I lead the campaign to get her out of our mothers home.  My twin sister was living expense free, emotionally abusing our mother and bilking her out of at least $15,000. during the 7 years she lived there.  She deflects even her own mistakes on me.  It's been a living hell.  Although I do have the understanding of my two older siblings, they checked out years ago and because they are both fundamentalist Christians, I get "love her and pray for her" as their only support and advice.

Thank you for your share.