Not working, I can't detach

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Dear all

It has been a week since I had any contact with my ex BPD. I don't have any plans to see her again. After I found out last week that she had been actively trying to harm me by forwarding emails and writing professional contacts about me, I thought I finally would be able to see her in her true light and detach. Not to mention how she extorted me for sex, pursued several guys at once while we were together, made me give up a job interview etc. I won't repeat everything from previous posts.

The thing was that during last week for the first time I experienced not missing her and not strongly wanting to call or see her. However, now I notice, to my horror, that all those feelings of desperately wanting her back, of missing her, of love are returning. I fear I'll never be able to detach... . It has after all been since April when she told me she had no more feelings for me.

I figure that it is at least better I post her rather that write her... .

Yet at the same time I feel much anger towards her.

Thanks

John

[Jhensohn]

Dear all

It has been a week since I had any contact with my ex BPD. I don't have any plans to see her again. After I found out last week that she had been actively trying to harm me by forwarding emails and writing professional contacts about me, I thought I finally would be able to see her in her true light and detach. Not to mention how she extorted me for sex, pursued several guys at once while we were together, made me give up a job interview etc. I won't repeat everything from previous posts.

The thing was that during last week for the first time I experienced not missing her and not strongly wanting to call or see her. However, now I notice, to my horror, that all those feelings of desperately wanting her back, of missing her, of love are returning. I fear I'll never be able to detach... . It has after all been since April when she told me she had no more feelings for me.

I figure that it is at least better I post her rather that write her... .

Yet at the same time I feel much anger towards her.

Thanks

John

[Undone123]

Dear all

It has been a week since I had any contact with my ex BPD. I don't have any plans to see her again. After I found out last week that she had been actively trying to harm me by forwarding emails and writing professional contacts about me, I thought I finally would be able to see her in her true light and detach. Not to mention how she extorted me for sex, pursued several guys at once while we were together, made me give up a job interview etc. I won't repeat everything from previous posts.

The thing was that during last week for the first time I experienced not missing her and not strongly wanting to call or see her. However, now I notice, to my horror, that all those feelings of desperately wanting her back, of missing her, of love are returning. I fear I'll never be able to detach... . It has after all been since April when she told me she had no more feelings for me.

I figure that it is at least better I post her rather that write her... .

Yet at the same time I feel much anger towards her.

Thanks

John

You will get there... . I don't know how long it takes to fully detach. I assume everyone is different. It's been nearly 6 months for me and I'm not 100% there yet. But it does get a lot easier. The best thing to do is do what ever you used to do previous to the relationship. Take care of yourself, and most importantly reclaim yourself. People say "oh you aren't victims". But we are. None of us have degrees in psychology, and none of us new about BPD until we entered into these car crash relationships... . But now you have knowledge, and knowledge is POWER. To the BPD (at least mine) everything was about power and control. The only way I "win" is to keep my power... . The only way I keep my power is not to dance to her tune or play her games. Reclaim yourself!  Get in touch with your TRUE self... . Talk to people. Do all the things you used to enjoy. Hang out with the people you would have probably become isolated from. etc. Be selfish

[dangoldfool]

Hey you and me share about the same time frame as to when are ex ripped are hearts out. I have managed to avoid the contact just because I was angry and hurt, still am I guess. All I suggest is read, read, and read some more on this site. Lot's of sound information. Private message people on here who share the same issues. Find family or friends to talk with. Get out and do activities to keep your mind distracted. Keep looking forward. Don't look back. You deserve better my friend. Take care of yourself.  

[willtimeheal]

We are in about the same time frame... . mine left me in April for another. I believe she was perusing him while we were still together. I have those feelings too. Days where I feel free and good and I don't think about her and I finally feel like I am getting back to myself but then old feelings sneak back in. I miss her and my mind is consumed by thoughts of her. I do think this is normal. At least I hope it it   Keep working through it stay busy and concentrate on yourself. Force yourself to do things even when you don't want to. I am hopeful that in time the rollercoaster of thoughts will slow down.  Hang in there.