Broken up... Worry about what their parent's think? Anyone else?

[Relentless]

I'm recently becoming concerned that my ex BPDgf might be villifying me... . but I also think there is a chance later down the road we could get back together... .

Anyone else worry about the parent's opinions of you? Anyone have experience with getting back together with someone after feeling shunned by the whole family?

At this point, I've been given silent treatment for 15/16 days now... . pretty sure I'm done... . I consider her my ex, but we were friends for 13.5 years before dating... . and I was amazing to her. I gave her everything a guy could give... . truly, and I never gave that before. I don't think many men do, and if so, not often.

Anyways... . any thoughts?

I'd really like to hear a cool get back together story... . but I don't think there are any... . been looking for days now. Well I hope everyone is doing well. I'm struggling, and just don't know what to do really.

[elessar]

Mine broke up with me (official reason) because her parents wouldn't approve of me (different religion). So for her family, I have always been the devil and if she marries me she is going to hell because I am going to hell anyway for not being part of their religion. So thats that about her family... .

There are extremely few get back together stories about BPD. There are a few websites and blogs by recovered borderlines and those in treatment. I have never come across a successful relationship or get back together with an undiagnosed borderline in my 7 months of obsessively reading about it. I mean, many people who are married to borderlines and who belong to a generation or two ahead of me stay in their unhappy marriages. But among younger unmarried folks, I have not come across a happy get-back together with an undiagnosed borderline (yet everyday I search for such stories looking for hope). This is a horrible illness that requires serious treatment. And since it is comorbid with narcissism and histrionic behavior, it makes it even worse.

Yeah... . my ex/current "friend" have been friends for 12 yrs. We have been together for (depending on definition) for less than a year to 4 yrs in the last 8 yrs. She disappeared once for 4 yrs. She gave me 6 weeks of silent treatment and started seeing other guys earlier this year (which brought me to this site).

As for vilifying me, from what I know/she tells me... . she defends me against her parents but blames me for abandoning her or not breaking her trust or not following through promises (none of which are factually true).

The only real hope, if for her and not for the two of you, is that she gets into a real treatment. It has to be a good psychologist. When I had given her ultimatum over a year back to see a psychologist, she did go to one. But just like I fell for her sad story back in 2005, her psychologist also fell for her sad story and told her "you don't have BPD, you have gone through a lot in your life". She did that without even any diagnosis or asking questions. just after hearing her story. few weeks later I went with my ex to the psychologist for a couples' thing, and I was shocked to hear all the fabricated stories my ex had weaved about me/us. Once I broke down her lies in front of the psychologist, that was the last time my ex went to that lady. So the only way out of BPD and a successful relationship is treatment, years of treatment, and a good therapist who understands BPD.

[Relentless]

Thanks for the reply. At this point, I just hope she realizes what she is missing at some point, whether it is to the point of missing the relationship, or the friendship.

I already know I won't get back with her unless she agrees to get therapy... . One good thing, is that she said she knew she needed help all along.

I'll just hope for the best. Gonna just try to take care of myself as best I can here out.

I do hope she comes around one day though... . I really took care of her well.

I hope you get what you want too.

[elessar]

What caught my eyes at your first post was that you wrote "I did as much as any man could". What is it about them that make us give our everything? I still don't get it. I haven't done as much for anyone, including myself, as much as I have done for her. And maybe once a year she does mention that.

The funny thing is, when she came back nearly 3 yrs back, after the 4 year absence, she said she needed therapy and that she is going crazy. But she never went. Even when I had mentioned BPD to her, she did not fight back but looked into it and went to that psychologist for a month. But once it hit her that her problems have to do with her parents, all therapy and illness is gone. Now she blames me for calling her a psychology patient and that she never had a problem but was "only going through stress". Her parents are her trigger because they are the reason she is the way she is, but she lives in absolute denial about it and defends them like a mother would defend her child.

So just be wary that your significant other accepting that she needs help does not mean she will get help. Like my ex was probably looking for a magic bullet. Once she realized that she will have to do with her core issues regarding her parents, she bailed on therapy.

But good luck though.

[Relentless]

Today I found out from her room mate that she said she was done with me, and that it was a situation she didn't want to be in... .

She said that I was a great bf, and I did a lot of great things... . but I wasn't the guy she thought I was... .

WTH! Ugh, it hurts. I then found out she's been telling all her friends to not talk to me and said that she is scared of me etc.

Do they ever come back around after hit like this? (not necessarily romantically... . but at all? Will she split me white again after a long time of realizing she is blowing some stupid ass thing way out of proportion?)

I guess time can make a difference... . but geez... . how long till she realizes how much she is losing.