haunting dreams of my uBPDmom

[rise_up]

I have maintained considerable distance from my parents since their emotional attacks on me a few months ago. The fact that they live overseas helps A LOT. We use a free text msging app to stay in touch... . my brother, sister in law and parents use it incessantly. I have switched off the notifications and check it every now and then. When I do, there are 20-50 messages between them... . they all enable each other in one pile of disgusting enmeshment.

There have been no blow-ups... . but each day that passes by is one more 'point' against me in their mind it seems. I feel like my mother's head is in the sand to my face but probably repressing an intense amount of abandonment fears and i'm waiting for the next shoe to drop.

These are manifesting in my dreams I think. I have constant dreams of my mother shouting at me, sobbing, crying... . she is a scary, emotional creature in my dreams. i also find myself hiding from her in my dreams... . 'escaping' her. other times i confront her and and her face contorts like a newborn baby crying. it's just really horrifying and i don't feel any better when i wake up. all of this feeds into my recurring judgments and thoughts about her... . so when the other shoe does drop... . there will also be a LOT of repressed anger from my side.

does any body else find the dreams haunting? what about the pretending and repression of rages that will come out eventually... . when the time is 'right' and convenient or when the last straw of boundaries break the camel's back? how do you deal with you intense anger at them... . ?

[Kwamina]

Hi rise_up,

The extreme emotional attacks are very difficult and painful indeed. Natural boundaries do help, makes it a lot easier when you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. But then again, you still have those text messages. I think it was very wise of you to switch off the notifications and only check it now and then. When you do check your messages, do you read the messages between them or just skip them?

I can really relate to the part where you're talking about your dreams. I have them too about my own uBPD mother. In the last one she basically abandoned me to have fun with certain people and her attitude was like 'f**ck my son, it's all about me!'. One dream I had many years ago often comes to mind. In that dream I was lying in my bed but noticed someone was looking at me. When I looked up I saw my mother but her face was distorted and looked demon-like. I was still a kid and this dream scared the hell out of me. Later I realized that I probably always knew there was something evil inside my mother (the BPD) but tried to repress those thoughts and feelings. I had a very scary dream about my uBPD sis too in which she tried to attack me with a knife. Before I never would believe that she was capable of doing such a thing, but after seeing my sister turn into a full-blown Witch, I realized she's capable of anything. When my mother and sister turn into the Witch they're completely out of control and extremely dangerous. Shortly after witnessing my sister turn into the Witch for the first time, I had this dream about her.

I don’t like these dreams and like you when I wake up I don’t feel any better at all. I try to deal with it by telling myself that it’s just a dream and not real. I also try to use the dreams to my benefits, they often point me to certain things I gotta work on. As a kid I was in denial about the seriousness of my uBPD relatives’ behavior, but the reality came out in my dreams. I needed to take certain steps to protect myself. I needed to break out of denial and see my uBPD mom and sis for who they really are, some very troubled individuals.

[StarStruck]

Hi rise_up,

I have these types of dreams. Nearly always when I have had some sought of interaction with my uBPDmom. Can be any type of communication.

Dreams are odd, stand out though and quite difficult to recall right now. 1) Either she's a presence in the dream that I can't reach properly, she's distant or 2) a confrontation where I say what I truly feel, stick up for myself but in the same vain she does; feels good in the dream.

I'm a patient person in real life and would never be able to summon up the anger back at her, just like that. (probably why she has the balls to snap at me like she has done)

Good job because I can imagine that would totally be a wrong way to go, well it would in my case, god knows what would happen fire meeting fire - just pointless. I think she may be a witch borderline. 

does any body else find the dreams haunting? what about the pretending and repression of rages that will come out eventually... . when the time is 'right' and convenient or when the last straw of boundaries break the camel's back? how do you deal with you intense anger at them... . ?

It does make me feel angry about her  if I have a confrontation dream. That was quite a while ago now - months. I am also like you in contact mainly by odd email but this isn't always. Unsure when the other shoe will drop, as haven't given her all the boundaries I'd like.

I thought like you, that the anger like from the dream I had would come out but the more I go through this process, I don't think it will have that impact on me. I don't feel angry about it anymore, I feel sad, disappointed and rather more sorry for her now.

I truly think I will get happier and happier the more I confront her (in the proper way). I am looking forward to it rather then worried that I would suddenly let rip.

I've got to say it wasn't very long along that  used to say, "I have a feeling that one day, she's going to say something, I'm going to retort, then we'll start shouting at one another, then I'm going to come out with a real clanger, telling her like it is"

It hurts when I think of the stuff she's done and said and if you dwell on does make you angry. You want to go back in time and defend yourself.

I can honestly say though I think that's leaving me now. Perhaps I feel more in control, I can use tools, with the help and support of this site and Fab, yes Fab! people on here. That I can 'deal' with her in an effective way without harming myself. If you get angry you hurt yourself don't you, physiologically... . I mean cortisol isn't great is it.

Since I have been on this site, not long now... . (although been in 'the know' for about 4 years of BPD). I have been thinking about the incidents a lot more but feel ok about it- Just amazing really that there's a word for it! don't you think?

I was   when I first realised.

I have switched off the notifications and check it every now and then. When I do, there are 20-50 messages between them... . they all enable each other in one pile of disgusting enmeshment.

God I feel for you, the more you see the less you want to put your toe in the water, I bet. Actually it's like you can literally read they're interactions - outside looking in - you can see it for what it is.

There have been no blow-ups... . but each day that passes by is one more 'point' against me in their mind it seems. I feel like my mother's head is in the sand to my face but probably repressing an intense amount of abandonment fears and i'm waiting for the next shoe to drop.   

I know what you mean here, I felt like this when I started avoiding family gatherings and waiting for the next contact after one of them.


Have you had a chance to use 'tools' with them yet, or is your last communication, them giving you bile ? - did you give yourself the chance to stick up for yourself?



Thanks for sharing