6 1/2 years later... contact

[gary1958]

I'm still out of sorts a day later... . My ex broke up with me 6 1/2 years ago... . Ran out of my house in the middle of an intimate moment screaming to the neighbours that it was over... . Apparently something streesed her out... . So over the years she has made lame attempts at contact... Mostly emails. I hsve never responded. Then a year ago this past February my father passed away. She new my dad well and sent me an email with her sympathies... . I took the high road and replied and thanked her for the kind words... Then 6 months later my mother passed. Same thing email  from her and I replied thanking her and wishing her the best in 2013.

Fast forward 6 months... . We hold an annual Bluesfest in our town for the weekend. Some of the top names in North America. Last year Greg Allman,  this year Steve Earle. Posted this past week on Facebook that my son and I were going on the Friday night and to pray for good weather... I loose my son in the crowd but am also with a pretty friend as well... We come out of a performance and get onto the main street ... . walking walking walking... .I look up and to my left and who is walking towards us on the other side of the street... When I looked at her she is looking at me then turns away and has a half smile on as she passes... I almost through up my heart... .

Was totally blindsided... She was all alone which doesnt mean anything... but just so shocked to see her... . I got to thinking afterwards... . Wonder if she saw my Facebook post... Doesnt matter... but man I am still shaking... Surreal

[Emelie Emelie]

I would bet a million dollars she saw your FB post.

[Moonie75]

Can she see your fb page?

[gary1958]

Yes you can view publicly... . You choose what you want people to see... The public can only see posts I put up but nothing personal... . That is way to much of crap shoot... for that to be the reason

[gary1958]

Yes double checked and you can see posts only... .

[KHC_33]

I understand how that would shake you to the core. I think that is part of the reason why I have removed my partner and his entire family off my Facebook. It is not rejection but rather a right to privacy. I don't want them knowing what I am doing, when I am doing it, who I am doing it with. I don't need his mom running back to him or texting him to tell him oh have you heard what Kate was doing? Not that I would do something unacceptable or completely radical (put myself in a compromising situation). The point is I feel for my own healing I need my space. Not only that my children need to heal too. I have a 13 year old daughter who is just beside herself. She is deeply damaged by all that has occurred in my partner's/mine relationship. My fault for not getting out sooner. I am getting her the helps she needs. I know with him yes he wants to be involved (he wants to see the girls - no they aren't his biologically) I have to protect them from his behaviors. They leave us ALL feeling breathless with hurt. Best way to explain (someone sucker punching you, and you really don't know when the next punch is going to happen).

I feel for you, keep strong and remember boundaries are essential to healing. I know how the pulls are. Trust me. I explained to my partner today (we are separated yes, but I don't want him around physically - too hard not to get emotionally hung up) BUT he can text me, email me, Skype if he chooses (not with the girls, just me). We will see how it goes, if I feel like I want to talk, or wish to respond I can do so when I am ready. Ultimately I have to take care of my children (emotionally wellbeing & myself). Whatever he is going to do, he will do it regardless if I with him or not. That is the biggest fact I had to come to terms with. Nothing in my power, in our (present) situation will change that. I cannot be subjected to this emotional torment anymore because I am only allowing him to continue the behavior. If he wants to change, he will have to truly work on that.

Hugs to you.

[gary1958]

Well it really wasnt an issue of privacy. Over the years she reached out maybe 6 times in 6 years. Always had an excuse so I wasnt sure if the were just accidents or an attempt by her to keep contact. So I went on with my life. It was very hard and took me years to get over. Some days I am still not sure Im 100% out. So when I just saw her out of the blue I was shell shocked. And then when I remembered posting on Facebook I was going I became suspicious.

A part of the story I didnt share here initially, when she walked by me 10 feet away I checked her out as I hadnt seen her in 6+ years. Well gorgeous as ever. Trendy attire and when I looked down I noticed she was wearing a pair of cork platforms with tan straps. So a little info here. I work downtown in our city where the Bluesfest is held at an insurance firm. It is a private parking lot with gates and a mounted speaker at eyes level when you are in your car where you swipe your employee card to gain access to the lot. She knows I work  there and park in that lot. Well I saw her on Saturday night. On Monday morning when I pulled in that lot and went to swipe my card what was sitting on top of the speaker where you swipe was a single platform shoe that looked eerily like the shoe she was wearing. Coincidence ?

[eeyore]

Maybe a coincidence maybe noft?  I guess the thing is you can choose to stay No Contact.  She had her chance with you and she left.  So now what?  Could she have changed?  If she has she would be straight forward and said so.  Otherwise it all sounds go gamey.  Love isn't a game.  People have feelings and emotions that shouldn't be toyed with, imho.   

[gary1958]

This guy is no contact... . I am far enough out to gauge any contact from her and act accordingly... . but it will not be me contacting her... . I can guarantee you that...

[eeyore]

ok good.  I'm sure all of it brings back memories you prefer to have stored away.   Be proud of yourself for accepting that you have moved on. 

[gary1958]

I still miss what it could have been... But I remember what it was... . Therein lies the difference... . Never would have been in that place 6 years ago... Time is a great healer... .

[eeyore]

Yes time does heal many wounds.  I just wish I had pixie dust. 

[gary1958]

Pixiedust ?

[eeyore]

joking... . magic fairy dust you sprinkle and it makes everything better. 

[gary1958]

Would need a whole pile of that stuff... . ha