Need support

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have written an email to my bf to end things. I have done this more times than I can count in the last 8 months. But I know I need to do it and make it stick. There are just too many dealbreakers in our relationship now... . and all I am doing is fooling myself into believing his lies when they are staring me in the face. I cannot deny the truth anymore. I can't keep lying to myself. I really do love him with all my heart... . and that is why I have stayed so long despite his cheating and his lies. He lies to me daily... . he thinks I don't know... . and I just keep letting it slide. This is the email I wrote. I have not sent it to him yet. I really need support to do this and stick to it no matter how many times he calls (last time I sent something like this it was 75 calls in one day in addition to the emails, texts, etc... . that is really hard to not give in to after awhile), emails, texts etc. He is very hard to resist but his words are just that... . just words... . empty meaningless promises.


I love you but I have to end this relationship. It is not healthy and it doesn't feel real anymore. I don't want to get crumbs of your time and attention and watch as you give more to other people. And don't think that I don't know that what I am receiving is scraps. You have been putting the minimal amount of effort possible just to keep me holding on to hope... . and I have been stupid to keep holding on as long as I have. It is clear to me that I will never be a real part of your life... . and certainly not an important part. Your words are just words... . they have lost all meaning. I know you have tried to make things better. But I do not feel loved. And I deserve to have real love. I give 110% as much as possible and I want the same in return. But I don't receive it from you and I know now that I never will. I thought if I gave more or tried harder or showed you how much I love you that I could change things. But I cannot change what you do not want. We have been together 8 months now... . and our relationship is going nowhere. I am sorry I could not make you happy... . it is all I wanted to do. But I hope you find someone who does know how to make you happy. I know that you loved me the best way you knew how. I wish you the best in life... . and I thank you for the beautiful memories and laughter we have shared doing many things together. But memories are all I have left now... . and they are not enough. I hope you find love in your life. I hope you have a good trip to Mexico. And I hope you pass your English test... . I believe in you and I know you will. Take care of yourself... . I love you. Goodbye.

[eternity75]

I have written an email to my bf to end things. I have done this more times than I can count in the last 8 months. But I know I need to do it and make it stick. There are just too many dealbreakers in our relationship now... . and all I am doing is fooling myself into believing his lies when they are staring me in the face. I cannot deny the truth anymore. I can't keep lying to myself. I really do love him with all my heart... . and that is why I have stayed so long despite his cheating and his lies. He lies to me daily... . he thinks I don't know... . and I just keep letting it slide. This is the email I wrote. I have not sent it to him yet. I really need support to do this and stick to it no matter how many times he calls (last time I sent something like this it was 75 calls in one day in addition to the emails, texts, etc... . that is really hard to not give in to after awhile), emails, texts etc. He is very hard to resist but his words are just that... . just words... . empty meaningless promises.


I love you but I have to end this relationship. It is not healthy and it doesn't feel real anymore. I don't want to get crumbs of your time and attention and watch as you give more to other people. And don't think that I don't know that what I am receiving is scraps. You have been putting the minimal amount of effort possible just to keep me holding on to hope... . and I have been stupid to keep holding on as long as I have. It is clear to me that I will never be a real part of your life... . and certainly not an important part. Your words are just words... . they have lost all meaning. I know you have tried to make things better. But I do not feel loved. And I deserve to have real love. I give 110% as much as possible and I want the same in return. But I don't receive it from you and I know now that I never will. I thought if I gave more or tried harder or showed you how much I love you that I could change things. But I cannot change what you do not want. We have been together 8 months now... . and our relationship is going nowhere. I am sorry I could not make you happy... . it is all I wanted to do. But I hope you find someone who does know how to make you happy. I know that you loved me the best way you knew how. I wish you the best in life... . and I thank you for the beautiful memories and laughter we have shared doing many things together. But memories are all I have left now... . and they are not enough. I hope you find love in your life. I hope you have a good trip to Mexico. And I hope you pass your English test... . I believe in you and I know you will. Take care of yourself... . I love you. Goodbye.

[eternity75]

OMG this is what makes this soo f-ing hard. He called me just now and said "Hi baby, only called to tell you that I love you. Please do not forget that"

I just finished posting the email I wrote on this board and then not even a minute later he calls and tells me that.

In a big way he still idealizes me. And so when I hear those words "I love you" so many times I day... . and he sounds so genuine... . how can I not crumble into a little pile of love. He melts my heart every time.

I have such difficulty separating his words and his actions. Every day he calls me 3-4 times a day and declares his love for me and talks about unimportant meaningless things. When he's finished work he goes home and talks to me on facebook for 20-30 minutes and then tells me he has to go to bed because he's tired. He never goes to bed that early... . he stays up another 3-4 hours on the computer instead. Last night he called me... . got frustrated after 10 minutes on the phone cuz my phone kept cutting out. Then he said he would talk to me on the computer instead. 20 minutes went by and he still didn't come on... . then I finally get a text that says his internet wasn't working and he had to reset the modem many times to get it to work but he hopes it's working now. I look at his calls logs today and I find out the truth... . as soon as he was off the phone with me he called another woman and talked to her for 20 minutes while I was waiting for him.

It's these endless lies that I can't stand. And constantly sharing him with other women. It's not just the physical... . it's the emotional affairs that break me. Because with me the conversations are so meaningless and shallow. But as long as he's trying to get the attention of these other women, I know he's sharing a lot more with them than he is with me... . like he did in the beginning of our relationship.

The hope that keeps me hanging on are those expressions of love, the wonderful times we have shared, the fact that every day he does call me many times in a day to say he loves me and is thinking of me. Why do I have such a hard time separating his words and actions?

[GreenMango]

Hope can be very powerful.  You sound torn.  That's pretty common here.

Have you checked out the undecided lessons?  Over on the right hand margin ----> at the top.

There is making a decision guide with helpful steps to sift thru this.