Moved... now to move on

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Moved into a new home with d12 and s18 about a week ago.  Divorce from dBPDh should be finalized by the end of the month, and son is headed off to college at about the same time.

Being out of the home we shared is a big relief (although he doesn't seem to get that he can't just walk into my new home).  So much of the logistical "stuff" will be done soon, leaving me to deal with me.    Somedays it's so peaceful, and somedays I don't know what to do without the chaos. 

For those of you who left after being married/in relationships w/BPD for relatively long periods of time: how long did it take to feel comfortable in this new stage of your life?

[thinkingthinking]

Moved into a new home with d12 and s18 about a week ago.  Divorce from dBPDh should be finalized by the end of the month, and son is headed off to college at about the same time.

Being out of the home we shared is a big relief (although he doesn't seem to get that he can't just walk into my new home).  So much of the logistical "stuff" will be done soon, leaving me to deal with me.    Somedays it's so peaceful, and somedays I don't know what to do without the chaos. 

For those of you who left after being married/in relationships w/BPD for relatively long periods of time: how long did it take to feel comfortable in this new stage of your life?

[Suzn]

This is a hard question to answer because it's a little different for everyone. For me it took about 6 months to get past the boredom that came afterwards. Boredom is not really good though it's partly a sign of needing to feel all the emotions that come after a breakup. And partly a sign I was addicted to the chaos and didn't know it. Had no idea one can become addicted to chaos, I certainly didn't feel I enjoyed it. However that addiction was there.

My T insisted we meet up every week for a while during this time. She told me she wanted to get me through this period since it can be a very vulnerable time. A lot of people jump into new relationships to avoid that boredom and to avoid the not so fun emotions that come with it. I tried to get busy and start building my life up around me, to get back into things I enjoyed doing and such.

Congrats on your new place. Have fun turning it into your personal paradise.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi thinkingthinking, I am recently divorced from my uBPDxW after a 16-year marriage and can appreciate your uncertainty about what lies ahead.  Of course everyone is different, but perhaps you can look at this new stage as an opportunity to start over, after hitting the reset button, with a clean slate before you.  I strive to embrace this new phase as a challenge to create the life that I had always wanted, before being derailed by a long and painful detour into the BPD quagmire.  It almost destroyed me, yet here I am, excited to be back on my path.  Sure, it's boring sometimes, yet it feels good to return home at night without the expectation of chaos.  Lucky Jim