I want your opinions

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

 I try to explain this with my limited Engrish, so please bear with me:

In my country we have to pass certain test of cuitability (is this the right word?) if we want to get training and work in nursing, any care taking or nurture. Tests include personality tests, interview with psycholigist, etc. My ex-bf passed those tests with ease, and is working with challenging children in schools. Mind you, this person is diagnosed with ADHD, is recovering alcoholic and definitely has a personality disorder, NPD or BPD, who cares which one but he is an emotional wreck. Of course he did not tell any of this in test situation. And that time he did not have diagnose of ADHD, it came later. Society sees him as a very fit person to work in anything that includes education and care taking. I want to point out that having ADHD is not mental issue, per se, but in this person it is an issue that has definitely made him develop certain behaviour patterns.

So, I desperately need a job. We have a need for people who would work with elderly. Same tests. I failed them, for second time. There is no chance for me now to get that training. I'm seen  unfit to work with anything that includes care taking or nurturing. I have problems with my back, yes, I was born with faulty back, but I don't think that was an issue here. Because, when I failed the tests first time 10 years ago, I asked them if it was because of my back, and they said no, it was because they don't think my character is fit for working in care taking. That includes any work with addicted, in mental care, literally anything that has something to do with taking care of other people and their needs. And I was ready to work with old, sick people who only needed their diapers changed and food fed to them, job that no-one wants here. I'm not seen fit to do even that.

It has been a week since I got second fail, and now I realize how bitter and angry I am. I am so damn angry for this society who sees man, who abused me for two years, as a better person than I am. This is literally how I see things now. I know life is unfair. I know he can act, trick and charm anyone. But if those tests can give him a living, and take my opportunities for living away from me, what kind of society this is that sees him more fit to that work than me?

The worst thing is I'm loosing faith in myself. I'm beginning to think that yes, this world wants people like him. I don't lie, I don't cheat. I'm introverted but does it make me worse than him? I really feel that way. I feel like I'm seen as a failure, and he is what this world needs and wants. If I sound bitter, yes, I am. I am bitter because man that abused me for two years is seen as a better person than me. I have test results about that!

I'm tired, so very tired of all this. I don't know, I feel like I have been wrong all the time and I'm the disordered and sick person here. That is how society sees it, so that is how it must be. I'm failure. :'(

I want to add that I know my ex-bf already has problems with co-workers.

All opinions are welcome here. Thank you for reading.

[KellyO]

 I try to explain this with my limited Engrish, so please bear with me:

In my country we have to pass certain test of cuitability (is this the right word?) if we want to get training and work in nursing, any care taking or nurture. Tests include personality tests, interview with psycholigist, etc. My ex-bf passed those tests with ease, and is working with challenging children in schools. Mind you, this person is diagnosed with ADHD, is recovering alcoholic and definitely has a personality disorder, NPD or BPD, who cares which one but he is an emotional wreck. Of course he did not tell any of this in test situation. And that time he did not have diagnose of ADHD, it came later. Society sees him as a very fit person to work in anything that includes education and care taking. I want to point out that having ADHD is not mental issue, per se, but in this person it is an issue that has definitely made him develop certain behaviour patterns.

So, I desperately need a job. We have a need for people who would work with elderly. Same tests. I failed them, for second time. There is no chance for me now to get that training. I'm seen  unfit to work with anything that includes care taking or nurturing. I have problems with my back, yes, I was born with faulty back, but I don't think that was an issue here. Because, when I failed the tests first time 10 years ago, I asked them if it was because of my back, and they said no, it was because they don't think my character is fit for working in care taking. That includes any work with addicted, in mental care, literally anything that has something to do with taking care of other people and their needs. And I was ready to work with old, sick people who only needed their diapers changed and food fed to them, job that no-one wants here. I'm not seen fit to do even that.

It has been a week since I got second fail, and now I realize how bitter and angry I am. I am so damn angry for this society who sees man, who abused me for two years, as a better person than I am. This is literally how I see things now. I know life is unfair. I know he can act, trick and charm anyone. But if those tests can give him a living, and take my opportunities for living away from me, what kind of society this is that sees him more fit to that work than me?

The worst thing is I'm loosing faith in myself. I'm beginning to think that yes, this world wants people like him. I don't lie, I don't cheat. I'm introverted but does it make me worse than him? I really feel that way. I feel like I'm seen as a failure, and he is what this world needs and wants. If I sound bitter, yes, I am. I am bitter because man that abused me for two years is seen as a better person than me. I have test results about that!

I'm tired, so very tired of all this. I don't know, I feel like I have been wrong all the time and I'm the disordered and sick person here. That is how society sees it, so that is how it must be. I'm failure. :'(

I want to add that I know my ex-bf already has problems with co-workers.

All opinions are welcome here. Thank you for reading.

[Rose Tiger]

Aww Sweetie, they are good actors, aren't they?  Why did they think you couldn't care take?  What was your diagnosis?

[KellyO]

I have no idea. All I know that 10 years ago they just did not like me. I thought I was changed. Looks like I haven't.

[Cumulus]

KellyO, I am so sorry. Do you feel these tests may be biased against people with introverted tendencies? Are there any places you could go that would teach you how to be a better test taker? Have you considered employment in any different areas or do feel that caring for others is your real desire?

I feel your distress over the unfairness of it all. That is the way it is. Look around you and find something that is special for you. I'll be pulling for you.   

[KellyO]

Yes, I definitely feel tests are biased. I'm introverted, and very much of it. I'm angry that some superficial extroverted act is enough to convince professionals that some disordered idividual is empathic, genuine and caring. BTW, in my country it is common joke that people working in nursing and nurturing are narsistic and rude people. I'm in awe: what the hell they are looking for in their tests?

I'm in a dilemma when it comes to professions. In my former profession there simply are not jobs anymore. And there would be tons of job in taking care of elderly. I would have liked that work. I know this is stupid, and I know it is not my ex's fault I was seen as unfit, but I really am angry for him too. I feel like world is created for people like him, and we who are not superficial full of bs just can't cope here.

[Rose Tiger]

Is there any way to get your test results?  Can you talk to someone in authority about working on your trouble areas to improve?  If not, can you work with a therapist to retake the tests and find out?  If a test was saying I needed work in some areas, I'd want to know what they are because it is so possible for you to get better in those areas.

Like you say, people like your ex totally fake it, get approved and then blow it down the road.  Better to really be able to handle the job, to make sure you are strong in the skills you will need.  Working with the elderly is a great ambition.  I'd love to see people with good hearts doing that than people with no empathy and no mercy.