The FOGs rolling in again

[Jai Yen]

It's been nearly 7 months since I had my stbx uBPD/NPDw served while she was back here. She's in her home country living a very comfortable life- great condo, fancy car, prestigious position, additional income from our shared business, and friends and family near by - also little or no parental responsibility - a position I was forced to take on years and years ago. She moved back going on 5 years ago so we haven't had a real "marriage" for much longer than that if ever.

Our S16 is visiting her this summer. She and our S16 are due to fly back here next week. We have a settlement conference scheduled later this month. She was supposed to provide her L with financial info from her end. The value of her condo and an addition investment property we own and info about her salary, retirement plan etc... . nothing particularly difficult to produce. Her L told my L that she was too depressed to get all the financial paperwork prepared.

I just talked to my son via Skype privately. He told me he and his mother are having a great time. She's meeting with friends, going out, and they're going to a hot springs resort tomorrow. Her "I'm too depressed" to get her financials in is total BS.

BTW - My son is doing fine. She goes off on me from time-to-time to him but he simply changes the subject and doesn't "go there" with her. I told him to remain "Switzerland" in this case - don't take sides. He clearly understands that his mother is not well mentally. 

I feel her foot dragging on producing the financials is another manipulative tactic. I made it clear that even if she doesn't cooperate the divorce is happening.

My fear is stbx won't produce the financials and things will take longer and cost more. Before it's said and done the amount for L fees will likely approach $50K. Ouch - we're not wealthy and we have kids going to college in the next few years. Seems such a waste on one hand but absolutely essential on the other. My instinct tells me to let go and just see what happens.

Your experiences and wisdom are welcome... .

[GaGrl]

What documentation do you have on hand yourself regarding her property in Japan as well as your joint property?  From that info, can you research values of comparable properties in the vicinity in case the judge has to impute value?

What doc do you have regarding the salary she earns in Japan?  Does she have to file U.S. income tax papers in order NOT to pay taxes on foreign income? 

Can your L arrange for a deposition in which she is directly questioned regarding her earnings and property in Japan, the value of the property, and her inability or unwillingness to provide financial data?  That way, she either has to answer the question or, should she provide inaccurate information, risk perjury.  Matt has some experience with this strategy.

The foreign property issue is complex.  My husband's ex had property in Thailand that my DH had considerably improved over the years.  In Thailand, a non-Thai citizen is not allowed to hold property title (ex-pats get around this with long-term leases).  However, the uNPD/BPD ex held title and DH would have had to spend far to much to realize anything in the divorce settlement from improvements he paid to the property (we're talking going from a house on stilts in a rice farming village to a modern two-house and garage family walled compound). 

[ForeverDad]

And in that deposition also ask whether she did this and that, the various activities touring and relaxing all over with son.  If you can't get that deposition then question her in court.  By getting her to admit she was doing all sorts of activities, including recreation, perhaps work too, then her claim to be "too depressed" falls flat.  So write down all the events and places son says they've been doing.

However, courts love to give second chances so the court may be inclined to grant a continuance.  Try to emphasize that she isn't here in country for long and ask the court to accept your calculations unless she submits her own within XX days.  But if they're falsified or ridiculous, then what?  Challenges?

[Jai Yen]

Unfortunately I do not have financial recorders from her end. My L made it clear to her L that she needs to produce the requested financials.

I let my attorney know that I spoke to our S16 and got the truth of what's going on.

I suspect that she'll cooperate once she clearly understands all the downsides of not doing so.