Isn't non-mindfulness helpful sometimes?

[bongo]

My step daughter, adult, BPD traits, just finished a 4 day stay with her family. I am emotionally exhausted after her visits. I was thinking that there might be times being NON-mindful are healthy. I worked hard at using the medium chill. It was successful, in that there was no big outburst or drama... . but surely there must be an easier way to cope with her the times I am with her at family get togethers and when she visits. For some reason, I let her get to me. Her BPD mother (my hubs ex) are very close... . I feel like she reports everything to her mom and it makes me feel so 'on stage".  My hub does not let this bother him.

I need some kind of plan to take care of myself. How can stop letting this cause so much grief in my life? 

Thanks so much.

[seeking balance]

I don't quite understand what mean about non-mindfulness.

I tend to detach and stay pretty superficial with any extended stay with my mom.

I do my best to stay mindful of my own emotions so I can physically remove myself if I can tell that I am getting too exhausted with the drama or negativity.

Some people are good at letting things roll off their back, I am getting better around FOO - but I also really protect my own emotions by keeping subjects light, remembering not to try and solve problems and being ok taking my own space.

[bongo]

That was the word I needed!  DETACH!  I've forgotten that ---- in recovery they refer to detaching with love. I found lots of great stuff on detaching on the board.  Thanks for the help.